John was a clerk in a small chemist shop but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Peter, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Peters warning he sold the man a box of laxative pills and told him to take them all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.
Peter had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had happened.
He wanted something for his cough but I couldnt find the cough syrup. So I substituted laxatives and told him to take them all at once, John said.
Laxatives wont cure a cough, Peter shouted angrily.
Sure they will, John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. Look at him! Hes too afraid to cough…
This family is sitting around the table and the kids have some meat in front of them and dont know wut it is. moms on the phone and says thanks for givin us the deer meat the kids love it but dont know wut it is. the dad says the name of the meat is something that ur mom calls me. the little boy says spit it out spit it out sister its asshole.
Little Leroy was starting his first day of third grade and the lesson for
that day was to form sentences using Ebonics. The teacher would give each
student a word and they would have to use it in a sentence.
Leroy?
Yea Ms. Johnson
Your word is contagious
Contagious?
Yes Leroy.
Leroy thought long and hard, and finally a sentence came to mind. Well?,
Miss Johnson said.
Leroy replied Evry time my mama gets olda, her contagious.
A doctor is standing in the hall of a hospital talking with a colleague when suddenly one of his patients runs down the hall in his hospital gown screaming at the top of his lungs.
Right behind the patient is a nurse carrying a pan of steaming, boiling-hot water, obviously chasing the patient.
The doctor interrupts his conversation with his colleague and shouts to the chasing nurse, Miss Jones, I said Prick his boil!
The last words of a chemist:
13. And now the detonating gas problem.
14. This is a completely save experimental setup.
15. Where did I put my gloves?
The Sergeant had a Colonel who was an absolute ass. So before the next inspection, the Sergeant cleaned the toilet in the barracks very carefully, and then floated a dab of peanut butter on a piece of toilet paper.
The Colonel proceeded with inspection, came to the toilet and screamed, Sergeant that Looks Like SHIT.
The Sergeant leaned carefully over the toilet, inhaled and said well maybe…. then leaned over picked up the peanut butter and put it in his mouth and said, Colonel, youre right because it does indeed TASTE like shit.
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.
The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.
The blonde follows the doctors advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that shed indeed lost twenty pounds.
She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:
How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?
Knock knock:whos there
banana:banana who
knock knock:whos there
banana:banana who
knock knock:whos there
orange:orange who
orange you glad i didnt say banana
yo mamas so fat you can make a coat out of her belly button lint
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.