Theres a Mexican guy, an Irish Guy, and a blond guy working at the top of a construction site when the lunch whistle sounds. The Mexican opens his lunch box and says, Ugh! Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time Im going to jump to my death! The Irish man opens his lunchbox and says Ugh! Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time, Im going to jump to my death! The blond guy opens his lunch and says Ugh! Baloney and cheese! If I get baloney and cheese one more time, Im going to jump to my death! Well, the next day, they all sit down for lunch again. The Mexican guy opens his lunchbox, sees the burritos, and jumps to his death. The Irishman opens his lunchbox, sees the corned beef and cabbage, and jumps to his death. The blond guy opens his lunchbox, sees the baloney and cheese, and jumps to his death. At the funerals, the three widows were crying together about their husbands tragic deaths. The Mexicans wife says, If only I knew how much he hated burritos, I never would have made them! The Irishmans wife says, If only I knew how much he hated corned beef and cabbage, I never would have made it! The blond guys widow is silent, and the other widows look at her expectantly. She says, Dont look at me! My husband packed his own lunch!
Yo mama has a bald head with a part and sideburns.
Famous interpretations of Why did the Chicken cross the road?
Bill Clinton:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please…
Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the black man in order to trample him down!
Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?
L.A Poliece Department:
Give us five minutes with the chicken, and well find out.
Jerry Falwell:
Because the chicken was gay! isnt it obvious? Cant you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. thats what they call it: the other side. Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!
Ronald Regan:
What Chicken?
Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!
ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what youre telling me?
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Marting Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didnt ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe its true?
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?
Bill Gates: We have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format), file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
The CIA: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken.
One day a Pope and a lawyer die. They arrive at the Pearly Gates together and are ushered in. Angel Gabriel accompanies them with much fanfare on his trumpet.
Gabriel leads the two along a huge corridor lined with doors. After a while he stops at one of the doors and opens it. He tells the Pope, this is your room, I hope it is satisfactory. The Pope sees that the room has a bed, chair, desk and a small radio/TV.
Gabriel then leads the lawyer to the end of the hall, and stops at a huge double-doorway. He opens the massive door and the lawyer is stunned to see a kingsize waterbed, a pool table, a massive home entertainment unit and a well stocked wine bar. The lawyer gasped when told that this was his room. There must be some mistake! exclaimed the lawyer. Surely a room so grand as this would be reserved for someone like the Pope.
Angel Gabriel turned to the lawyer and said, Oh,no, there is no mistake. We have dozens of Popes. But you are our first lawyer!!
Yo mama so fat when she has sex, she has to give the guy a map!
A redneck named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.
Clem went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Clem said, Yup, hes burnt real bad; but youll have to roll him over if you want me to identify him.
So the mortician rolled the corpse over and Clem looked and said, Nope, it aint Clyde.
The mortician thought that was rather strange, but proceeded to bring in Zeke to identify the body. After the sheet was pulled back, Zeke took a look and said, Yup, hes burnt real bad; roll him over.
So, again the mortician rolled the burnt corpse over, and Zeke looked down and said, Nope, it aint Clyde.
Frustrated, the mortician asked, How can you tell?
Zeke answered, Well, Clyde had two assholes.
What!? The disbelieving mortician asked, He had TWO assholes?
Yup, thats right, everybody knew Clyde had two assholes.
Ever time we went to town, folks would say…
Here comes that thar Clyde with them two assholes!
Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn? A: She woke up with a kernel between her legs.
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
You might be a redneck if…
The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
You have ever shot a possum on your porch.
You dont use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you cant see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors dogs when they get into it.
You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.