Old and New Jokes

A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.

Flo Capps Observation: The next best thing to doing something smart is not doing something stupid.

A Blonde walks into a Restaraunt, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. She looks at the bulletin board and sees a piece of paper that sais Ocean Cruise Only 5$.

She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper.

The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary.

The secretary looks over to a burly black guy reading a news paper. She nods to the black guy. He stands up and knocks the blonde unconcious.

When the blonde wakes up, shes tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea, when all of a sudden she sees one of her friends, (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her.

The blonde she looks at her freind and says So do you think theyre going to serve us some food on this trip?

And the other blonde replies They didnt serve any last year?

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it.

En una oficina están tres secretarias.

La primera dice:

No se imaginan lo que le hice a mi jefe: le puse silicona en sus gavetas y ahora se va a volver loco tratando de abrirlas.

La otra dice:

Yo encontré el lugar donde mi jefe coloca sus condones; agarré un lápiz y les hice varios agujeros.

De pronto la tercera grita:

¡Ah! ¡Ah!… y se desmaya.

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was GoofyMickeyMinniePluto and so I asked why it was so long.

Because, my son explained, they said it had to have at least four characters.

Changing lawyers is like changing deck chairs on the Titanic.

24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case …coincidence?

In a letter sent to a job applicant: Thank you for applying for the position of clerk-typist. We received many applications from very experienced and talented persons. I regret to inform you that you were chosen to be interviewed for the position. Thank you again for your interest.

As famous as the unknown soldier…