A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
Maybe all I need is some fresh air, thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.
Screw it, he thought.
Ill just crawl home.
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
You went out drinking last night, didnt you?
she said.
Uh, yes, he said sheepishly.
How did you know?
You left your wheelchair at the bar again.
Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.
I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off.
This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
Love comes in spurts.
1. If you think the way to a mans heart is through his stomach youre aiming too high.
2. Woman dont make fools of men — most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason:youre sick of him.
4. Never trust a man who says hes the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
5. A womans work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one — they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well — they never mature anyway.
8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.
9. Men are all the same — they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
10. Definition of a man with manners — he gets out of the bath to pee.
11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is
married 12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men — a woman.
13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving — theyd be wrong but you could still use them.
14. Men are like animals — messy, insensitive and potentially violent — but they make great pets.
15. Mens brains are like the prison system — not enough cells per man.
16. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – dont and stop..
17. Husbands are like children — theyre fine if theyre someone elses.
This cat is cat a cat good cat way cat to cat keep cat an cat idiot cat busy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat.
Now read this over without the word cat.
Burgers and flies.
The Election Is Over, The Results Are Known.
The Will Of The People Has Been Clearly Shown.
So Lets All Get Together And Let Bitterness Pass,
Ill Hug Your Elephant, And You Can Kiss My ASS!!!!!
Beware of those wearing suspenders with belts.
10) I cant believe people could actually get work done while trying to play this!!!9) Hey boss!!! OH wow!! cool!! Look at this!! Solitaire!!! I just found Solitaire on my computer!!! Did you know we have solitaire on these machines??? Well… back to work…8) This machine is all @#$%ed up AGAIN!!! (you quickly jump to the power button and shut down your computer the WRONG way…)7) Oohh…SOLITAIRE…I thought it said SOLID STAIR…Now I see what this is…6) Hey boss!!!…Whats this???…Oh, yea…Im on my lunchbreak right now, is this ok??…What??…its only 9:30???…did I say Lunch??…I meant coffee break!5) OK..whos the joker who pointed my accounting software to solitaire??? This is getting ridiculous!!!4) Sir!!!…Ive got a great new radio campaign which has an employee getting caught playing solitaire by his boss while hes suppose to be working…what would you say to me if you really caught me doing this???3) What the???…How in the world did this get here???2) Hello sir…do you know why every time I click on my microsoft word icon solitaire comes up??…its the weirdest thing…1) Well at least Im not on porn websites like Jenkins over there…
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