Old and New Jokes

Q. What is the difference between Jewish and non-Jewish women?


A. Non-Jewish women have real orgasms and fake diamonds.

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. Certainly, sir, thatll be 1 cent. ONE CENT – thats awesome! exclaimed the guy.

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?

Certainly, sir, replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money. How much money? inquires the guy. 4 cents, replies the bartender.

FOUR cents! exclaims the guy… Wheres the Guy who owns this place?

The bartender replies, Upstairs with my wife. The guy says, Whats he doing with your wife?

The bartender replies… Same as Im doing to his business!

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructors left nostril.

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.



The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, put on their costume and began to give the moose love call.



Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, OK, lets get out and get him.



After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?



The guy in the front says, Well, Im going to start nibbling grass, but if I were you, Id brace myself!

Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.

Software: Them plastic eatin utensils.

Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.

Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.

What was the White House Chief of Staffs reaction to Lewinskys story?

Now I know why they kept calling her the head intern!

Q: Whats the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?

A: When youre eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!

If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. — Chekhov

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up!