02
Jan

Stranger than fiction: Flying lawn chair

Heres a story, that actually did happen.

On July 2nd 1982, Larry Walters, a truck driver from North Hollywood, California, fulfilled a life-long dream. While visiting some friends in San Pedro, Ca., he attached 45 weather balloons and several gallon jugs of water to a lawn chair, tethered it to the ground, and filled the balloons with helium. Then, equipped with a parachute, a large bottle of soda, a hand-held citizens band radio, and an air pistol, he had his friends cut the tethers.

Larrys lawn chair, the Inspiration I, immediately and unexpectedly shot up to an elevation of 16,000 feet, and then began drifting east, eventually over the Long Beach airport, where he was spotted by two airliner pilots, who reported to the tower a guy in a lawn chair drifting by.

Larry attempted to land by shooting out some of the balloons with his air pistol, but lost it overboard before he could affect a rapid decent. He then broadcast a mayday on his radio, which was received by a CB club in Orange County.

Larry did manage to decend eventually. His balloons and cable became entangled in some power lines, knocking out power in a Long Beach neighborhood for 20 minutes, but he was uninjured, and his chair was left dangling a few feet above the ground.

The Long Beach Police did not arrest him, nor did they file any charges, but the Federal Aviation Administration was determined to bring him up on =something=. He eventually paid $1,500 in fines. Naturally, he made the talk show circuit, and quit his job to go on the lecture circuit, too. He also earned first prize from the Bonehead Club of Dallas, Texas, and to this day receives honorable mention on many Darwin Awards lists.

And of course, urban legends have a habit of growing like any other kind: Later versions of this tale have him drifting into the main approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport, and being rescued mid-air by a helicopter, out over the Pacific Ocean …

02
Jan

Just say no, thank you.

I heard this on An Evening at the Improv.

It seems Nancy Reagan has started a new program for the homeless. Its
slogan is Just get a house.

01
Jan

Knock Knock Whos there? Rapunzel! Rapunzel who? Rapunzel troubles

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Rapunzel!
Rapunzel who?
Rapunzel troubles in your old kit bag….!

01
Jan

Question and answer Clinton joke

Q: Whats Clintons favorite baseball team?
A: The Dodgers.

01
Jan

Question and answer Clinton joke

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None–Hell only promise change.

01
Jan

Va un tipo a un

Va un tipo a un putiadero y pide que le den una puta, le responden que ya no hay. El tipo dice ¿cómo?, denme aunque sea la sirvienta.

Bueno, pero le advierto que tiene tres tetas.

Bueno, eso no importa.

Cuando está en el cuarto la puta se quita el brasier y el tipo dice: uy, es cierto que tiene tres tetas.

El tipo le coge las de las esquinas y chupa la de el centro.

A la otra semana va otra vez al putiadero y dice que le den la puta de tres tetas… cuando está en el cuarto la puta se quita el brasier y el tipo dice uy ¿por qué ya no tienes tres tetas?

La puta responde:

¡Ah, el barro ya se me quitó!

01
Jan

Corporate America in the 90s

1. You’ve sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.

2. Your company’s welcome sign is attached with Velcro.



3. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.



4. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.



5. You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.



6. Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries’ annual budgets combined.



7. You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.



8. It’s dark when you drive to and from work.



9. You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.



10. Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.



11. Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.



12. Being sick is defined as can’t walk or you’re in the hospital.



13. You’re already late on the assignment you just got.



14. You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say Oh wow, thanks!



15. Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.



16. Your boss favorite lines are when you get a few minutes, in your spare time, when youre freed up and I have an opportunity for you.



17. Vacation is something you roll over to next year or a check you get every January.



18. Your relatives and family describe your job as works with computers.



19. The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are hanging in your cube.



20. You read this entire list and understood it.

31
Dec

Drunk Jerk

A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out!

Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!



The bartender does nothing.



So the man takes another sip. A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again.



Jesus! He just jumped again!



The bartender ignores the man.



So the man sits puzzled. The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink.



How did you survive that jump?..I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float.



So the guy quickly orders a floatie drink. He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it. He then jumps out the window and…SPLAT! Right on the sidewalk!



The Bartender then says, You know, Superman…you can be a real jerk when youre drunk.

31
Dec

Dennis Rodman

Dennis Rodman finds a bottle on the beach and picks it up …suddenly a female genie appears from the bottle.

Master, I may grant you one wish. says the genie with a smile.



Hey, Bitch… dont you know who I am … I dont need no woman give me nuttin! barks Rodman.



The genie pleads…But Master I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever.



Dennis thinks a moment … then grumbling about the inconvenience of it all… he says Ok, ok … I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning. So just do it! (giving the genie an evil glare) Now leave me alone! he screams.



So the annoyed genie says, So be it! and disappears back into the bottle.



Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis is gone, his leg is broken, and he has no health insurance.

31
Dec

Does that screwdriver belong to

Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?