Programmers Sayings…
BASIC – A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company. — Anon.
I speak BASIC to clients, 1-2-3 to management, and mumble to myself. — Anon.
If youre masochistic enough to program in ADA, were not going to stop you. — Matt Welsh
Dont get suckered in by the comments … they can terribly be misleading. — Dave Storer
If we can dispel the delusion that learning about computers should be an activity of fiddling with array indexes and worrying whether X is an integer or a real number, we can begin to focus on programming as a source of ideas. — Harold Abelson
Optimization hinders evolution. — Anon.
Programming graphics in X is like finding the square root of PI using Roman numerals. — Henry Spencer
The best book on programming for the layman is Alice in Wonderland; but thats because its the best book on anything for layman. — Anon.
The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be created in the form of computer programs. — Joseph Weizenbaum
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. — Bjarne Stroustrup
He who hasnt hacked assemply language as a youth has no heart. He who does as an adult has no brain. — John Moore
Pascal keeps your hand tied. C gives you enough rope to hang yourself. — Anon.
Perl – The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption. — Keith Bostic
A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages. — Anon.
Real programmers are those that can sleep in front of terminals … with their eyes opened. — ricS
Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. — Larry Wall
Real programmers dont work from 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9am its because they were up all night. — Anon.
Real programmers dont write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who cant decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN. — Anon.
There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult. — C.A.R. Hoare
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked. — John Gall
A crash is when your competitors program dies. When your program dies, it is an idiosyncrasy. Frequently, crashes are followed with a message like ID 02. ID is an abbreviation for idiosyncrasy and the number that follows indicates how many more months of testing the product should have had. — Guy Kawasaki
There are two ways to write error-fre
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices
a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The girl is wearing a fire fighters helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog
and cat.The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. That sure is a nice
fire truck, the fire fighter says with admiration.Thanks, the girl says.The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the
wagon to the dogs collar and to the cats testicles. Little Partner the
fire fighter says, I dont want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but
if you were to tie that rope around the cats collar, I think you could go
faster.The little girl replied, Youre probably right, but then I wouldnt have a
siren.
A Japanese man went to the eye doctor. The optometrist said to the
man, Sir, I believe you have a cataract. Oh, no replied the
Japanese man. I dwive a Rincon Continentaw.
What does a man and a floor have in common?
You lay them right the first time you can walk all over them forever!!
There are only two forces that unite men, fear and self-interest…Napoleon
Condition that enables a woman
who has gone through labor to make love again.
There were two guys out ice fishing. One guy had been sitting for several hours with no catch at all. Finally, he looked over at the other guy.
The other guy would put his line in, a fish would jump on, hed pull the fish out, and then put it in the bucket. The guy was pulling fish in at a rate of about one every thirty seconds.
The guy with bad luck went over to the other guy and asked, Hey buddy, how are you managing to catch all those fish?
The other guy replied, MMMMMMNNNNNNNPPPHH!.
Say again, buddy?
MMMMMMNNNNNNNPPPHH!.
One more time, I didnt catch that.
The other guy then spit something into his hand and said, You gotta keep the worms warm!
- Man who run in front of car get tired.
- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
- Two wrongs not make a right – Three lefts do.
- Passionate kiss like spiders web – soon lead to undoing of fly.
- Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.
- Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
- Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!
- Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
- War doesnt determine whos right. War determines whos left.
- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
- Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.
- Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!
- Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!
- Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!
- Man who sit on tack get point!
- Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!
- Man who lives in glass house should change in basement.
- He who fishes in other mans well often catches crabs.
- Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beattys address book. The
letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and
your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and
continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any
letter you write is letterhead.
You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one
device on your body beep or buzz.
You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you cant because
there isnt one typewriter in your house – only computers with laser printers.
You think of the gadgets in your office as friends, but you forget to send
your father a birthday card.
You disdain people who use low baud rates.
When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking
with customers – and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty
minutes answering the customers questions, while the salesperson stands by
silently, nodding his head.
You use the phrase digital compression in a conversation without thinking
how strange your mouth feels when you say it.
You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase
digital compression. Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not
surprised or disappointed that you dont have to explain it.
You know Bill Gates e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social
security number.
You stop saying phone number and replace it with voice number, since we
all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions
that talk to other contraptions.
You sign Christmas cards by putting 🙂 next to your signature.
Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that
are far more clever than 🙂
You back up your data every day.
Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you
return with a rest for your mouse.
You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster
than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your
mind.
You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perots phrase electronic town
hall makes more sense than the term information superhighway, but you dont
because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.
You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in
advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up
the street names.
You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something,
but you think its okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing
buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is
selling.
You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter- and
three-and-a-half-inch sizes.
Al Gore strikes you as an intriguing fellow.
You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they
are.
While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you
compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say
I dont know when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling
compelled to make something up.
You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns
bread into charcoal.
You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions
about which is better — the track ball or the track pad.
You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology
has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a
tree and write a haiku. And dont use a laptop.
You email this message to your friends over the net. Youd never get around
to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the phone. In fact, you
have probably never met most of these people face-to-face.
jesus:hon its too bad that you somehow wasted your time on earth ,what happened?
hon:my lord it was all because of satan.
jesus:who and where is satan?
hon:pointing on the one looking evil and was really satan.there he is!
satan:stood up and said;my lord im not satan , im stainley.