A Welshman an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn and ran inside. Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said…Meow. "Just cats," he thought.He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said….woof. "Just dogs," he thought. As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded his sack he said…..potatoes!
23
Dec
23
Dec
Mondays
8:00 – Husseinfeld
8:30 – Mad About Everything
9:00 – Suddenly Sanctions
9:30 – The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show
10:00 – Allah McBeal
Tuesdays
8:00 – Wheel of Terror and Fortune
8:30 – The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right
9:00 – Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things
9:30 – Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
10:00 – Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer
Wednesdays
8:00 – U.S. Military Secrets Revealed
8:30 – Bowling For Food
9:00 – Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread
9:30 – Just Shoot Everyone
10:00 – Veilwatch
Thursdays
8:00 – Matima Loves Chachi
8:30 – M*U*S*T*A*S*H
9:00 – Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils
9:30 – My Two Baghdads
10:00 – Diagnosis: Heresy
Fridays
8:00 – Judge Laden
8:30 – Funniest Super 8 Home Movies
9:00 – Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionaire
9:30 – Achmeds Creek
10:00 – No-witness News
23
Dec
Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it. They were going pretty fast when an old mans face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway.
What do you want? he asked.
Do you have any tobacco? asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.
Go faster! said the passenger. I dont want to see him again! So the driver pushed the spedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.
Do you have a light? said the old mans face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.
Drive faster! said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns. What do you want from us? screamed the passenger.
The old man gently replied You jackasses want some help getting out of the mud?
23
Dec
The Sixties, yes, the Sixties. Time of hope, time of rebellion, time for planning new ways to do things, ways that could not be any worse that what was being done at that time. In contrast to most of the other movements of the time, one very active group combined militant vegetarianism
(not so uncommon) with militant prohibitionism (very uncommon). They believed, in fact, that the first would automatically lead to perfect health. Eat only vegetables, love one another, and the desire and drive to consume Demon Rum would just pass away. They believed that: Peas would rule the planets, and love would clear the bars. It was the dawning of the age of asparagus
23
Dec
Seen on CNN this morning:
A student at the National Spelling Bee had been given a particularly
difficult word to spell. Apparently having some trouble knowing
how to start, the student asked if he could buy a vowel.
22
Dec
Llega un señor a un restaurante y pide una sopa de fideos, al empezar a comerse su sopa se da cuenta que dentro de la sopa hay pelos, trozos de uñas y otras porquerÃas, por lo que se molesta y le dice al mesonero:
Usted no sabe quien soy yo, yo soy un inspector de sanidad y este lugar es una porquerÃa, asà que lleveme a la cocina.
Al entrar en la cocina se encuentra a un gordo todo sucio, cochino haciendo arepas. El gordo agarraba la masa, la hacÃa una bolita y se la metÃa en la axila para poder darle la forma redonda, por lo que el inspector le dice:
Usted esta loco, cómo se atreve a hacer semejante cochinada, eso es insalubre voy a hacer que cierren este restaurante.
Y el gordo responde:
Y eso que todavÃa no ha visto como es que hago las donas…
22
Dec
When Chelsea Clinton was young she walked in on her mom getting out of the
shower. Pointing to her chest she asked her What are those?
Hiliarys response was Oh honey, those are my breasts.
Chelsea asked Will I get breasts?
Yes, when youre older. said Hillary.
A day or two later Chelsea walked in on her dad getting out of the shower.
Pointing towards his penis, she asked Whats that?
Bill responded Oh honey, thats my penis.
Chelsea asked Will I get a penis?
Bill responded, Yes, when your mother leaves.
22
Dec
Dear Mr. Abby:Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should-he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.
22
Dec
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The mans tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, Say, Father, what causes arthritis?
Mister, its caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man.
Well, Ill be damned, the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. Im very sorry, I didnt mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?
I dont have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.
22
Dec
There was a new girl in school, when asked her name, she replied Happy-Butt. When hearing this, the teacher said, Go straight to the principal young lady. At that, she went to the principal.
He asked her why she was in the office, and she said The teacher sent me hear so you can find out my real name. He said well, what is your name? she said My name is Happy-Butt He said Thats not a name, Im looking it up in the computer RIGHT NOW!
So he looks in the computer, and he says it lists here that your name is Gladys. She said Exactly, Happy-Butt, Glad-Ass… SAME THING!