The attached was sent to me by a medical associate. Its not terribly funny but somewhat amusing. All I can say is: OUCH!!!
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he needed a doctor who took care of mens problems. The patient was pale, febrile, feverish and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of torn, black and blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts and two or three yards of foul smelling stained gauze, wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.
Amid the matted hair, edematous (swollen) skin and various exudates, I saw some half buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked and he had closed the laceration himself with a heavy duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one inch staples of the type used to put up wall board.
We X-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples, admitted him to the hospital and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachloro-phene sitz baths prior to surgury the next morning. The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement (removal old dead skin) of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rust staples were retrieved and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed (ripped or torn out) and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels litigated (tied off) properly, though not much of a hematoma (pocket of blood) was present. Through and through Penrose drains (7) were sutured loosely in site and teh skin loosely closed.
Convalescence was uneventful and before his release from hospital less than a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me. An unmarried loner, he usually didnt leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive belt of a large floor based piece of machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley wheel and the drive belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.
I can only assume that he has abandoned this method of self gratification.
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out whats going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, Pardon me. May I help you with something.
The blind man says, No thanks. Im just looking around.
You dont have to wine and dine a beer
If you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer
You can enjoy a beer all month long
If you pour a beer right you will always get head
You can go right to sleep after having a beer
The American couple were standing staring at Romes Trevi Fountain: You know Frank, youre probably the first person to toss a coin in and wish for stabilization of the international wool market.
There is a blonde in a boat, in the middle of a field, rowing away. Another blonde drives by in her car and sees the women, in the boat, in the field rowing away.
The blonde in the car stops, jumps out and yells, Hey you… Its women like you who give blondes a bad name!! And if I knew how to swim I would come out there and KICK YOUR ASS!!!
The Worlds Shortest Books
25. My Plan To Find The Real Killers by O.J. Simpson
24. To All The Men Ive Loved Before by Ellen DeGeneres
23. The Book of Virtues by Bill Clinton
22. The Difference between Reality and Dilbert
21. Human Rights Advances in China
20. Things I Wouldnt Do for Money by Dennis Rodman
19. Al Gore: The Wild Years
18. Amelia Earharts Guide to the Pacific Ocean
17. Americas Most Popular Lawyers
16. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
15. Detroit – A Travel Guide
14. Different Ways to Spell Bob
13. Dr. Kevorkians Collection of Motivational Speeches
12. Easy UNIX
11. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
10. Everything Men Know About Women
9. Everything Women Know About Men
8. French Hospitality
7. George Foremans Big Book of Baby Names
6. How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
5. Mike Tysons Guide to Dating Etiquette
4. Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
3. Staple Your Way to Success
2. The Amish Phone Directory
1. The Engineers Guide to Fashion
Estaban dos hombres en el cielo y uno le pregunta al otro:
¿Y vos de qué moriste?
Congelado, ¿y tú?
De la risa.
¿Cómo que de la risa?
SÃ, es que yo pensaba que mi esposa me estaba engañando con otro hombre, entonces un dÃa le dije que iba a salir por dos dÃas, pero cuando me fui regrese ese mismo dÃa para ver si la atrapaba con el otro hombre. Cuando llegué busqué por toda la casa y no encontré a ningún hombre. Dándome cuenta del error que habÃa cometido empecé a reÃr y reÃr hasta que morÃ.
¡Idiota, si hubieras buscado en la nevera nos hubiéramos salvado los dos!
Q: How is a Porquipine different from a BMW?
A: A Porqupine has the pricks on the outside.
1. I think unexplained crop circles add a unique flair to any homes garden.
2. Actually, its only the rear portion of the yard that overlaps the ancient Indian burial ground.
3. Yes, the last owner did donate the house to the Hells Angels, but Im told that the judge has ordered them not to come within 50 feet of it.
4. One bleeding toilet doesnt necessarily mean its haunted.
5. Your neighbour has assured me that, technically, theyre not killer bees.
6. Even if there was a full-scale mudslide, its unlikely that it would reach as far back as your property.
7. Its quite common for roaches to grow that big even when not in the presence of radioactivity.
8. Did you know that the band Grave Raper holds their practice sessions right next door?
9. Its true that they died in the house, but the prosecutor was never actually able to prove it was murder.
10. You can barely hear the sheet metal factory at night.
An Irishman goes for a job on a building site.
The man says, Can you brew tea?
The Irishman says, Yes.
Good. Can you drive a fork lift?
The Irishman looks at him and asksy, Why? How big is the teapot?