An italian walks into a hotel in malta and finds he has no sheet on his bed so he tells the owner i want a shite on my bed the owner says you had better shit on the bed.
22
Jun
22
Jun
A man walks into a bar carrying jumper cables.
The bartender says, Hey! Dont you try to start anything in here.
21
Jun
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horses mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become tangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horses pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when………………………………the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
21
Jun
Un tipo se perdió en la selva amazónica, fue encontrado por una tribu de canÃbales y llevado donde el jefe.
Dice el jefe, Qué bueno, es para mi cena. Pongan el caldero.
Ponen el caldero, le echan agua, lo ponen al fuego y al tipo lo meten en la olla.
Al momento de estar allà el tipo empieza a reir a carcajadas. El jefe, asombrado, se levanta del trono y le pregunta por qué se rÃe si lo estan cocinando, y el tipo le responde:
¡Oh, jefe, porque me le cague en la sopa!
21
Jun
Un tipo llega borracho y de madrugada a su casa. Como no traÃa las llaves consigo, se dirige al patio de su casa y ve que su perro lleva un periquito muerto en el hocico.
¡Dios mÃo, si es el loro de la vecina!, exclama el sujeto.
El hombre se inquieta y, apenado, pone al ave en la jaula de la vecina y se va a dormir. Al dÃa siguiente, cuando se despierta, ve que su esposa está llorando y pregunta la causa; la mujer le informa:
Es que se murió la vecina.
Pero, ¿cómo es posible?, si ayer la vi en perfectas condiciones.
Es que le dio un infarto, porque ayer enterró al loro que se le murió, y éste apareció en su jaula esta mañana.
21
Jun
Alone.
21
Jun
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes. The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten! The woman said, Thats okay. For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to. The woman replied, Thats okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me. So shes the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you. The woman said,Thats okay, because whats mine is his and whats his is mine. So, shes the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, Id like a mild heart attack.
20
Jun
En la clase de Pepito pregunta la profesora: Carlitos, ¿una palabra con la letra c?, y Pepito le susurra: di culero, di culero, el niño no le hace caso y contesta cama.
Luego dice la maestra: Luisito, una palabra con la letra m, y cuchichea Pepito: di mierda, di mierda.
Y asà sucesivamente, hasta que le colma la paciencia a la profesora y ésta piensa: hoy voy a fregar a este Pepito.
A ver Pepito, 11 palabras con la letra p. Y comienza Pepito: pinche, puta profesora, pensó pisar Pepito, pero Pepito prevenido, puso preservativo.
20
Jun
Two friends whom are blonde buy a five piece puzzle.When they put it together theyre so excited!Both blondes husbands walk in and see their wives extremely happy jumping up and down! When the 1st blondes husband asks why their so happy the 1st blonde replies Because…on the box it says 2-5 years.
20
Jun
What do you call a Fireman who constantly gets people out of buildings when there is no danger???
A PRE-MATURE EVACUATOR