Old and New Jokes

A priest and a nun were riding a camel through the desert and the camel passed out and died. Since the priest and the nun had no way to travel they knew they were going to die. The priest asked the nun, Since we are going to die anyway is there anything I can do for you?

The nun replied, Well… Ive never seen a naked man before. The priest being the kind man that he was took all of his clothes off.

Pointing at the priests dick, the nun asked, What is that?

The priest said,It is my sternum.

What does it do? Asked the nun.

It brings forth life. said the priest.

Then the nun said, Well stick that on up in the camel and lets get outta here!

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads WARNING; ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!



The farmer returns a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads, NOW THERE ARE TWO!

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh dont mind me, Ill just sit in the dark

En un congreso feminista una francesa, una italiana y una mexicana comentaban cómo les había ido con su propuesta de fin de milenio, la cual consistía en decirles a sus maridos que ya no iban a lavar los calzones, ni hacer de comer, ni llevar a los niños al colegio.

La francesa dice, No pues el mío se me quedó viendo y el primer día nada, el segundo más o menos lo aceptó y se hizo solo sus alimentos y el tercer día todo normal.

La italiana dice, No pues mi esposo el primer día nada, el segundo nada, hasta el tercer día comprendió que iba en serio y llevó los niños al colegio y de regreso se compró una pizza.

La mexicana dice: No, pues que le digo a mi viejo, mira, ya no te voy a lavar tus chones, ni te voy a hacer tus frijoles, y a los niños ni creas que los voy a llevar a la escuela rural, y todas sus colegas preguntaron que cómo había reaccionado su marido y dice la mexicana: No, pues el primer día no vi nada y el segundo tampoco. Ya por el tercero empecé a ver poquito con el ojo derecho.

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonds ear?
A: Data transfer.

Every time I think people cant possibly say or do anything more stupid, I am proved wrong.

Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited.
Herolal was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned.
Then Pyarelal tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too.
Bhola thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being
wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused
to the salt in American Foods (french fries, cheeses, anchovies,
etc.), and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him
a glass of water. Time and time again Abdul would scamper off and
return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned
empty-handed.

Abdul, you bastard son of an ugly camel, where is my water?
demanded the Grand Emir.

A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched
Abdul. White man sit on well.

Chuck Conway, Mopar Pilot

Once upon in air india flight, one Indian man and a English man were traveling, the indian man got his dinner from home, he took it out the box, and took out a roti (indian chapati) then at that moment english man curiously asked what’s that, the indian replied bread of India

After a while the indian took out a gulabjamun (indian sweet), at that moment english asked whats that then english replied sweet of india, after some time the indian guy farted with a big sound at that moment the english man asked what’s that, the indian said thats AIR INDIA

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition. What are you going to do with the prize money? the officer asked. The man responded, I guess Ill go to driving school and get my license. At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, Officer, dont listen to him. Hes a smart aleck when hes drunk. This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, I knew we wouldnt get far in this stolen car. At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked Are we over the border yet?