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A – Bill Clinton
B – Warren G. Harding
C – Andrew Jackson
D – Thomas Jefferson
E – Lyndon B. Johnson
F – John F. Kennedy
G – Franklin D. Roosevelt
H – George Washington
1. Which president smoked marijuana with a nude playgirl while he joked about being too wasted to push the button in case of nuclear attack?
2. Which president allegedly had affairs with both a winner AND a finalist in the Miss America pageant?
3. Which president had sex with one of his secretaries stretched out atop a desk in the oval office?
4. Which president allegedly had an affair (as well as children) with a slave who was his wifes half sister?
5. Which president called his mistress Pookie?
6. Which president married a woman who hadnt yet divorced her first husband, and was branded an adulterer during his re-election campaign?
7. Which future president wrote love letters to his neighbors wife while he was engaged to someone else?
8. Which president had a torrid affair with the first ladys personal secretary?
9. Which president had sex with a young woman in a White House coat closet – at one point, while a secret service agent prevented the hysterical first lady from attacking them?
10. Which president had sex in a closet while telling his partner about the *other* president who did the same in a closet? (The one from Question 9)?
11. Which vice president was ticked off because he felt that HIS record of sexual conquests was much more impressive (i.e. numerous) than the Presidents?
12. Which future president, while a college student, enjoyed showing off his p***s (which he named Jumbo)?
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Scroll down for answers …
ANSWERS
1. F
2. A
3. E
4. D
5. A
6. C
7. H, E
8. G, F
9. B
10. F
11. E
12. E
Your own car uses more gas and oil than anyone elses.
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates:
In honour of this holy season, Saint Peter said, you must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven.
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, Theyre bells. Saint Peter said You may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of womens panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, And just
what do those symbolize?
The man replied, Theyre Carols.
Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Miss Charlene Mason sang, I Will Not Pass This Way Again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Ladies, dont forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jacks sermons.
The Over 60s Choir will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine.
Name: Bertha Belch.
Announcement: Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting
Conference: The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
The associate minister unveiled the churchs new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: I Upped My Pledge, Now Up Yours!
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the rear entrance.
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King!
15. Miracle and a Quickie on 42nd Street — A Times Square Christmas
14. Spike Lees Get On the Sleigh
13. Van Damme IS Santa Claude
12. Michael Jackson stars in Im Dreaming of a White Christmas
11. The Deep II — A Chappaquiddick Holiday with Uncle Ted
10. Theres No Santa Claus, Charlie Brown
9. The spoiled brats ask for the moon and Santa delivers, in Naked Buns II
8. Mickey Rooney & Andy Rooney in Grumpy Old Elves
7. Ross Perot as the autistic elf in Reindeer Man (Of course, Id be an excellent President.)
6. Its a Wonderful Life, My Ass — Pass the Malt Liquor
5. Steven Segal IS MissleToe
4. Jane Fonda, Julia Roberts and Elizabeth Shue in Ho, Ho, Ho!
3. Hes got a red nose and an Uzi. And hes about to teach them some new reindeer games in Rudolph II — First Blood
2. Blazing Saddles 2 — How the Stench Stole Christmas
1. No, YOU Open It! — A Ted Kaczynski Christmas
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Gracie!
Gracie who!
Gracie for you!
Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 50. 1 to do it and the others to stand around and say, I could do that better.
A bum asks a man for two dollars.
The man asked, Will you buy booze?
The bum said, No.
The man asked, Will you gamble it away?
The bum said, No.
Then the man asked, Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesnt drink or gamble?
There was this blonde who always wanted a chance to ride a horse. Finally she got a chance. she went out to the corral and, looking over the choices, picked out the biggest most beautiful one of all.
as soon as she got in the saddle, BAM the horse took off like all of hades was after it. The blonde wasnt set yet, and started screaming as she slid down the side of the horse. HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she screamed, as her hold kept slipping closer and closer to the pounding hooves I know she said, Ill jump clear, but when she jumped, her foot got caught in the saddle straps and was draged by the runaway horse, her head boucing on the ground. Just as she was about to pass out,…………….
……….the Wal-mart clerk unpluged the mechanical horse.