Old and New Jokes

Q. Why is 6 afraid of 7?

A. Because 7, 8, 9. !!!!!!!!!!

True story…

I have a blonde friend who spent the night with me. We were playing with my dog Trixie, who was performing trick after trick after trick. I said See why we named her Trixie?

My blonde friend said, So why did you name her Trixie?

one guy walks in to a bar sees a crying donkey sitting on a pot of gold and he asks the bartender whats up with the gold? The bartender said if you can get the donkey to shut up the gold is yours.

The guy says ok, and he walks over to the donkey and whispers something in the donkeys ear the donkeys cracks up laughing so the guy gets the pot of gold.

A week later he walks into the bar and sees the donkey still laughing sitting on another pot of gold he asks the the bartender was up with the gold the bar tender said if you can get the donkey to shut up,Ill give you the gold.

The guy says ok but ill have to take him out side the bartender says ok then the guy takes the donkey out side for a min walks back in 5 min later and the donkys crying again the bartender asks how in the hell did you do that the guy says to make him laugh I said my dick was bigger than his, and to make him cry I showed him.

Whats the good part about Alzheimers Disease ?

You keep meeting new friends !

Medicine is like advise, easy to give, hard to take.

10. All thats left of your Olympic fever is a dry hacking cough
9. You imagine your hands around the throat of that Coke-drinking polar bear
8. You say, Oh good, Hangin with Mr. Cooper is on tonight
7. Whenever the Olympic theme music ends you find youve put another fork into the back of your hand
6. Youre NBC President Warren Littlefield
5. You decide against naming your baby girl Picabo
4. Your name is Bonnie Blair and youve starting using your five gold medals as coasters
3. Actually watched The Jackson Family Honors
2. You beg your son to let you return to Indiana

   (Daves mom is stationed in Lillehammer as the Olympic correspondent for the Late Show)

1. No longer laugh at the name Gillooly

What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?

A tea bag.

One day there was this farmer. He had 3 daughters and they each had a date on Saturday night.

The first date comes to the door. the farmer answers the door. The first date says, Hi my name is Joe, Im here to take your daughter Flow to eat some dough.



The farmer says sure. Soon the second date comes to the door, the date says hi, Im Freddy, Im here to take your daughter Betty to eat some spaghetti. The farmer goes sure.



Then the last date comes to the door. he say hi, my name is Chuc-k…The farmer goes Get the hell out of my house!!!

Q: Why did the cat go to the hospital?
A: To have a cat-scan done.

A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town.

At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, Pastor, I will contribute $1,000.

Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder.

He promptly stood back up and shouted, Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000.

Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he this time he virtually screamed, Pastor, I will double my last pledge.

He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head.

He stood up once more and hollered, Pastor, I will give $20,000!

This prompted a deacon to shout, Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!