The City Council in Sebastopol, CA. (USA), agreed to waive an $80 fee for a woman who owns two chickens. Her home is located in a commercial zone where chickens can reside with an $80 permit (which allows up to 16 chickens). The woman told the council that shes keeping the chickens in case a Y2K glitch causes a disruption in the food supply chain, since chickens dont need computers to lay eggs.
(San Gabriel Valley Tribune, West Covina, CA.)
You might be a redneck if…
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
A mexican, a black guy, and a white guy stumble upon a genies magic lamp. They rub the lamp and a genie appears. The genie says, I will give you each one wish.
The mexican says, I wish that me and all of the mexican people in the U.S. were back in Mexico and happy.
*Poof* The wish comes true.
The black guy says, I wish that me and all of the black people in the U.S. were back in Africa and happy.
*Poof* The wish comes true.
The white guy says, Let me get this straight. All of the spics and niggers are out of the U.S.
The genie nods. Then the man says, Okay then, I wish for a Coke.
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
All set back here, Captain, came the reply, except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.
Joke found on http://www.doorseva.com
Heard after a showing of a video aimed at marketing types…
When aiming for the lowest common denominator, be prepared for the occasional
division by zero.
Two guys drove to a gas station for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the station to patrons who purchase a full tank of gas. When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.
If you win, youre entitled to free sex, said the attendant.
How do we enter? asked the men.
Well, Im thinking of a number between 1-10, and if you guess right, you win free sex.
O.K., I guess 7, said one of the guys. Sorry, I was thinking of 8, replied the attendant.
The next week, the two same guys returned to the same station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, the one fellow asked the attendant if the contest was still going on.
Sure, replied the attendant. Im thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free sex.
2, said the customer.
Sorry, I was thinking of 3, replied the attendant, Come back soon and try again.
As they walked back to the car, the one downtrodden fellow said to the other, You know, Im beginning to think this contest is rigged.
No way insisted the other. My wife won twice last week.
TONS more of the same at: http://www.freeholes.com/joke/
A minister was asked to dinner by one of his flock who had a reputation for being a crummy housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. Were these dishes ever washed? he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, Theyre as clean as soap and water could get them. He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and shouted, Here Soap! Here Water!
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press the doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small, and the doorbell is placed at normal adult height, and the little fellow just cant reach. After watching the boys sorry efforts for some time as he moves closer to the boys position, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing one hand kindly on the childs shoulder, leans over the boy and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the childs level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, And now what, my little man?
To which the urchin replies, Now we run like Hell!
A man and his wife were about to get evicted and needed some quick cash. honey, we may have to prostitute you to pay the bills, said the man. ok, no problem, anything i can do said the wife. so he had her dress in her sexiest outfit and meet him on the street. ok, just go across teh street and if you need me im right here, he said. about 10 mins pass and a man approached her and asked it she was working. let me walk across the street she said. so she did and the man explained to say yes. so she did. how much? asked the john um…let me walk across the street she said, and the man told her to ask the john for $100. so she did. damn, i only have $25, what can i get fro that asked the john um…let me walk across the street she said again, and told teh man the offer, to which he said to give the john head. so she relayed this to the john, they agreed and he pulled down his pants and had a cock 10 inches long and as thick as her wrist. oh boy, let me walk across the street she siged, and went to her hubby and said um….sweetie, can i borrow $75?
Nothing, they both leave childrens bedrooms with empty sacks!