Era el cumpleaños de Pepito y habÃa invitado a su fiesta a la niña que le gustaba, enotnces le dijo a la niña:
Vamos a jugar al carro.
La niña le dijo que si.
Dijo Pepito:
Primera velociadad: yo me quito la ropa.
Segunda velocidad: tu te la quitas.
Tercera velocidad: nos subimos a la cama.
Cuarta velociadad haces el amor.
Para esto llaga su mamá y la niña le dice:
¿Qué hacemos?
Pepito responde:
Mi carro no tiene reversa.
Q: What has three teeth and sixty feet?
A: The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Senior!
Senior who?
Senior so nosy, Im not going to tell you!
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.
So he called on a female angel and sent her to Earth for a time.
When she returned she told God, Yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.
Well, he thought for a moment and said Maybe I had better send down a male angel; to get both points of view.
So God called a male angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the male angel returned he went to God and told him Yes, the Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.
God said this was not good. He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good and encourage them a little, something to help them keep going. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Do you know what that E-mail said? * * * * * * * * * * * * Oh! You didnt get one either huh?
How are the New York Jets defense and yo mama alike?
I think of you as a sister.
(Youre ugly.)
Theres a slight difference in our ages.
(Youre ugly.)
Im not attracted to you in that way.
(Youre ugly.)
My life is too complicated right now.
(Youre ugly.)
Ive got a girlfriend.
(Youre ugly.)
I dont date women where I work.
(Youre ugly.)
Its not you, its me.
(Youre ugly.)
Im concentrating on my career.
(Youre ugly.)
Im celibate.
(Youre ugly.)
…and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)
Lets be friends.
(Youre sinfully ugly.)
The 2000 Darwin awards!
(1991, Nicosia, Cypress) Under similar circumstances, an Iranian hunter was shot to death near Tehran by a snake that coiled around his shotgun as he pinned the reptile to the ground. Another hunter reported that that the victim, named Ali, tried to catch the snake alive by pressing the butt of his shotgun behind its head. The snake coiled around the butt and pulled the trigger, shooting Ali in the head.
David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in L.A.
Hes stopped in traffic and thinks, Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual; were not even moving.
He notices a police officer walking down the highway in between the cars, so he rolls down his window and says, Excuse me, officer, whats the hold-up?
O.J. just found out the verdict, and hes all depressed. Hes lying down in the middle of the highway and hes threatening to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire. He just doesnt have $8.5 million for the Goldmans. Im walking around taking up a collection for him.
The man says, Oh really, how much have you collected so far.
The officer replies, So far, ten gallons.