This could be considered THE ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
13
May
12
May
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, Religion?
The man says, Methodist.
St. Peter looks down his list, and says, Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. Religion?
Baptist.
Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.
A third man arrives at the gates. Religion?
Jewish.
Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.
The man says, I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?
St. Peter tells him, Well the Jehovahs Witnesses are in room 8, and they think theyre the only ones here.
12
May
Uses resources well: Delegates everything.
Uses time effectively: Clock watcher.
Very creative: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
12
May
She must have the new wonder panties because its a wonder how she got all that ass in them.
12
May
Gun Shop Owner: Hi, How can I help you?
Client: Im lookin for a gun.
Owner:What kind of gun are you lookin for?
Client: (pointing at the biggest handgun in the case): That one looks about right.
Owner: (very surprised): Why do you need a .44 magnum?
Client: Its for shootin at cans.
Owner: (pointing at a small handgun): Well, this is the perfect size for shooting at cans.
Client: (pointing again at the .44): Nah, I need this one.
Owner: OK, what kind of cans are you shooting at?
Client: Mexi-cans…….Puerto Ri-cans……..Afri-cans
12
May
John comes home from holidays and almost immediately has another confrontation with his neighbour and long time enemy.
Later, inside and unpacking, he finds a bottle he didnt remember buying. Still it looks good so he gives it polish . . ., and whoosh, out comes a genie.
Oh holder of the bottle, I grant thee three wishes; but be warned that what you wish for is granted doubly to your greatest enemy.
Well I wish my last girlfriend would come back and be in love with me again asks John for his first wish. Hearing his name being called from the next room tells him shes back. John looks out his window and sees his neighbour with two women clearly besotted with him.
For my second wish, I want a big mansion says John who goes outside and sees his house has grown into a mansion. The neighbours house being a mansion twice as big.
At this stage the genie reminds him that his enemy will still get double for the third and final wish.
Then for my third wish, I want . . . I want you to remove one of my testicles.
12
May
Its Good Enough For Government Work.
12
May
Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes division by zero.
12
May
If you have got them by the testicles, their hearts and minds will follow.
12
May
Bunch of printed pages that tell you whats
coming in the next issue.