If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Why call then hot water heaters if the water is already hot?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesnt everyone just move 10 miles away?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Im not cheap, but I am on special this week.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Corduroy pillows: theyre making headlines!
Why do people go to Burger King and Order a Double Whopper with a Large French Fry and insist on getting a Diet Coke?
Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Why does one get in trouble for WRECKless driving?
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
Why does slow down and slow up mean the same thing?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a near miss? Shouldnt it be called a near hit?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
If you keep trying to prove Murphys Law, will something keep going wrong?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
How can someone draw a blank?
Shouldnt there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, theres a 90% probability youll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
Laughing stock – cattle with a sense of humor.
You cant have everything, where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the worlds population.
Notice in a dry cleaners window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
With the exception of victimless crimes (which need not concern us here), every single crime committed in this nation of ours involves a victim.
A purple ladys bicycle was missing from Serendipity Lane recently.
Chairman Billings asked Board members to muster support from parent-teacher groups to support the governors task force on driving while intoxicated.
He hasnt even had his day in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been kicked off the ESU basketball team after being arrested and accused of driving a parked car while intoxicated.
Montreal police dont hesitate to use whatever laws, regulations or persuasion they feel they need to control morality in the city and prevent it from getting a foothold.
A college friendship that began a year ago ended in matrimony yesterday.
Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet Ms. Right.