There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest. And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, I want a motercycle helmet. And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female. And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet. And he got his wish.
The bear said, I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females. And he got his wish.
It was the rabbits turn, and he said, I wish that bear was gay.
Posted in Genie |
A Bama Graduate was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories.
A week later the grad complained to the doctor that they didnt produce the desired results. Have you been taking them regularly? the doctor asked.
What do you think Ive been doing, the grad said, Shoving them up my ass!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Three bulls, one large, one medium, and one small, were standing in the pasture and had just heard a rumor that the farmer had just bought a new, larger bull.
The largest of the three said, Well, he aint getting none of my cows.
The medium bull said, He aint getting none of my cows.
The little bull said, Well, if he aint getting any of yours, them he sure as hell aint getting one of mine.
Two days later, a semi pulls into the yard, and they unload the new bull. Hes big and pissed from having been cooped up for the long journey. When the three bulls see him, the biggest bull says, He can have my cows, the medium bull says, He can have mine, too. The littlest bull, however, begins to paw the ground, snort and bellow, and basically carry on.
Whats with you? the other two asked. Im just showing him I aint a cow! answered he.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his penis told him to. or Because he thought he could get laid if he did. or So the woman driving down the street could hit him. (You know us women, we just cant drive worth shit…) or Because another man dared him to and called him a pussy.
Posted in Foul Language |
Researchers have
discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain
as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between
the two but cant remember what they are.
~Matt Lauer
Posted in Diet / Weight Loss |
Software – Plastic picnic utensils
Posted in Computer |
Q: How does an engineer change a lightbulb?
A: As long as lighting levels are within operational parameters, he doesnt !
Posted in Lightbulb |
Un ciego está sentado en una esquina pidiendo limosnas. Para llamar la atención, usa una lata donde hay una moneda, la cual tira con precisión al aire y la recoge con la misma lata, de forma que hace un sonido caracterÃstico cada vez que la moneda cae en la lata.
La limosna al ciego, CLANK, la limosna al ciego, CLANK, la limosna al ciego, CLANK…
Un tipo va pasando por ahà y observa como el ciego lanza la moneda y cae a la lata, y decide coger la moneda en el aire, para ver como reacciona el ciego.
El ciego no se da cuenta y sigue con su procedimiento, pero ahora no hay sonido:
La limosna al ciego,—–, la limosna al ciego,—–, la limosna al ciego,—–
El ciego asustado exclama:
Ya me fregué, ahora además de ciego ¡SORDO!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |