Old and New Jokes

Para reunir dinero y reparar la parroquia, el cura Melcacho decide hacer uso de su buen paladar, como catador de vinos, apostando:

Mmmm… vino del Rin, cosecha 1974, de buen cuerpo.

¡Oooohhhh!

Boquiabiertos y apantallados, esperan a que el clérigo pruebe la segunda copa:

Cabernet 8 años, de California…

¡Ooohh!

Espléndido vino blanco, barrica de encino.

¡Aahhh!

Pero como le ha atinado a todos, el clásico apostador que no le gusta perder, pretende hacerle trampa:

¡Ándale, mi amor, orínate aquí y no la tires!

¡¿Eh?!

Le llenan otra y se la dan a probar:

Mmmm… mmmmm… rubia, 30 años… 90, 60, 90 ¡y por desgracia, no es de mi parroquia!

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made Tickle me Elmo dolls. It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.

On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldnt keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.



The boss could not control his laughter and said, Lady, I said to give each doll Two—-Test—-Tickles.

There are three irish men walking down the street when a leprechun comes and talks to them.he points to a bridge and says ,if you jump off that bridge and shout the something the puddle on the other side will turn in to it.so the first man shouts,chocolate,and sure enough it turns in to it.the second man shouts ,money,and again it happened.the third man was just about to jump when slipped and saidshit!.now guess what the puddle turned it to?

Tim Hruza is so ugly he looked out the

window and got arrested for moonin





Tim Hruza is so ugly that when he was



born his doctor slaped his mom





Tim Hruza is so poor that he was kickin a



can down the street someone asked him



what he was doin he said movin





Tim Hruza is so harry big foot took



pictures of him





Tim Hruza is so fat when he went on a



diet McDonalds went out of bussiness.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

55. Tell your roommate that its your birthday–every day.

Quigleys Law: Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will attempt to use it.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.

But how do you know when you are going to land? he was asked. I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground he answered.

But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground? he was again asked. He quickly answered: Oh, the dogs leash goes slack.

The X-MALES

This priest was hearing a womans confession when a drunk stumbled
into the booth on the opposite side. As the priest was finishing
with her he heard the drunk groaning as if in quite some pain.
He slid open the other panel and asked, Are you ok? All
he heard was another groan. He asked again and the drunk finally
replied, Yeah, I feel lots better. Do you have any toilet
paper on your side?

Sam Saal

Late one night in Washington, D.C., a mugger jumped a well-dressed man and held a gun to his ribs.

Give me your money! he demanded. The man stiffened, but said indignantly, You cant do this to me – Im a U. S. Congressman!

In that case, replied the robber, give me my money!