A drunk is standing, pissing into a fountain in the middle of town, so a cop comes up to him and says Stop that and put it away! The drunk shoves his dick into his pants and does up his zip. As the cop turns to go, the drunk starts laughing.
Okay, whats so funny?
asks the cop.
Fooled you.
says the drunk I put it away, but I didnt stop.
Un granjero y su esposa estaban descansando en la cama; ella estaba tejiendo, mientras él leÃa una revista sobre animales de granja.
De pronto, él levantó la vista de la página y le dijo a su esposa: ¿SabÃas que los humanos somos la única especie en la que las hembras tienen orgasmos?
Ella lo miró maliciosamente, sonrió, y le replicó: ¿Ah, s� ¡Pruébamelo!
El granjero se levantó y salió de la habitación, dejando a su esposa totalmente confundida.
Después de una hora, el granjero regresó todo cansado y sudoroso y declaró:
Bueno, estoy seguro de la vaca y la oveja, pero por la forma en que chilla la marrana ¿quién puede saber si tuvo un orgasmo?
Un tipo se encuentra con un amigo quien le informa:
Tu mujer te engaña con tu compadre.
¿De verdad? Pero, ¿tú cómo lo sabes?
Mira, mañana, cuando te vayas a trabajar, nos vemos en la esquina de tu casa para demostrártelo.
A la mañana siguiente, el sujeto se encuentra con el amigo y se dirigen a un edificio cercano. El acompañante del cornudo saca un telescopio y enfoca hacia la casa del amigo.
Mira, ahà va tu compadre.
El otro corre a observar y acepta:
Es cierto, y mi mujer se está desnudando. ¡Mira la panzota que tiene! ¡Y las caderas todas llenas de celulitis! ¡Ve esas chiches todas caÃdas! ¡Ay, no, qué pena con el compadre!
Están en una instrucción militar y el instructor dice:
Por mi forma de hablar, mi fÃsico y el tambaleo de mi mano tendreis que decirme mi edad.
Todos los asistentes se quedaron desconcertados menos uno que dijo:
44.
¿Cómo lo ha sabido?
Por su esbelta forma de escribir, por su deplorable fÃsico, y sobre todo porque mi hermano tiene 22 y es medio gilipollas.
A Huey Cobra practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise had a problem and landed on the tail rotor, separating the tailboom. Fortunately, it wound up on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s in a brilliant shower of sparks.
As the Cobra passed the tower, the following exchange was overheard:
Tower: Sir, do you need any assistance?
Cobra: I dont know, tower. We arent done crashing yet!
A man walks into the bathroom and sees another guy standing at the urinal with no arms. the guy goes, man, u really gotta help me man!!! i really gotta go to the bathroom but as u can see i aint got no arms! so the other guy hesitates, looks around, and then unzips the guys fly 4 him. well, could… could you get it out for me? so the other guy sighs, looks around, and gets ready to pull it out when, he notices its all swollen and scabby and infected. with a bad look, he takes it out quickly and gets ready to leave when he asks, could– could you hold it for me? the guy gets ready to say no, but, seeing the situation, he felt sorry for the guy. so, he looks around again, and holds it. so the guy does is businuss and gets all done. so when the guy gets ready to leave again, the other guy says, well um… could u put it back in? so the guy looks around once again, hesitates and puts it back in. thanks man! thanks! he says. the guy couldnt help it, he said, man, whats the matter with it? its all red a scabby and swollen! so the armless guy sticks his arms out of his shirt and says, i dunno, dude, thats why i got you to hold it!
There was three guyz on an island, lets call them 1,2, and 3. they were on the brink of death when 1 found a lamp with a genie in it. The genie tells them to get 10 of the same fruit and then come back to him.3 returns first with apples. The genie tells him okay shove these 10 apples up your butt and if you do not change your facial expression ill get you off this island. So he starts 1,2,3,4,5 then he yells in pain so he is stuck on the island forever.2 returns with berries and the genie tells him the same thing. So he begins 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 then he starts cracking up laughing, so he is punished by being stranded on the island forever. while 1 is testing his talent 3 asks 2 Why did you satart laughing, you were so close?! 2 said i saw 1 had pineapples!
What do they call Ex-Lax in Holland?
Dutch Cleanser
What advice did Yasar Arafat give President Clinton in their meeting
on January 22, 1998?
Bill… Goats dont talk!!
These are names of real towns in the US:
Aromatic Creek, MO
Go to Hell Gulch, SD
Caress, WV
Flirtation, CO
Kiss Me Quick, SD
Benign Peak, AK
Bellicose Peak, AK
Deception Creek, AR
Delusion Lake, WY
Another River, AK
Peculiar, MO
Yum Yum, TN
Climax, OR
Ding Dong, TX
Do Stop, KY
Goon Dip Mountain, AK
from The Game of Words by W.R. Espy