31
Dec

It sure would be nice

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the presidents birthday, like
they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting
for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.

31
Dec

The floggings will continue until

The floggings will continue until morale improves.

31
Dec

Hypochondria is the one disease

Hypochondria is the one disease I have not got.

31
Dec

Those of you who think

Those of you who think you know everything
are annoying those of us who do.

31
Dec

I believe you should live

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I
dont have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on
the last day of their life?

31
Dec

Once, I wept for I

Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So
I took his shoes. I mean, its not like he really needed them, right?

31
Dec

24 hours in a day…

24 hours in a day… 24 beers in a case… coincidence?

31
Dec

Health is merely the slowest

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

31
Dec

You know your old when

You know your old when you walk into an antique store
and someone tries to buy you.

31
Dec

Never lick a gift horse

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.