You might be ghetto if the rims on your car cost more than your car does!

Six.
Three fighters to hack apart the ceiling, a mage to fireball whats left of the ceiling, two clerics to heal the wounded in the roof cave-in, a druid to heal the roof and a thief to steal a new
bulb and screw it in.

… and pledges not to move alone unless no one agrees with it

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Bowing to international pressure not to act unilaterally, the United States reversed course today and promised to consult with its allies before doing whatever the hell it was going to do anyway.

Prior to taking action against any enemy nation, such as Iraq, we will confer with our allies, as well as other countries in that region, pledged U.S. President George W. Bush. We will sit down with them. We will begin by explaining what our position is, and then we will …

… no, wait. Thats everything.

The announcement seemingly failed to address unease among world leaders that without their consent, U.S. action against Iraq will lead them all into a wider conflict. Bush, however, said his administration was well aware of international concerns, and would handle them internally.

Except for effect, the administration said its new stance overturns earlier, much-maligned statements insisting America would act unilaterally, if necessary, to oust enemy regimes. But the President said he recently was shown a new perspective by Secretary of State Colin Powell, who is generally regarded as a check on the administrations hawks.

Colin Powell told me that acting alone was not in our long-term interests because, as he put it, No man is an island, Bush recalled. Of course, I pointed out that America is a nation, not a man, and that lots of nations are islands, so his argument was pretty lame. But do like to say Colin Powell whenever I talk about foreign affairs because it makes me look diplomatic.

European Union external affairs chief Chris Patten, however, was not appeased. Whats the point of even talking to your allies if your mind is already made up? he asked. Its little more than feel-good lip service.

Replied Bush: Colin Powell.

German Foreign Minister Joschka Fischer, meanwhile, was one of several voices calling for restraint. We are all concerned that Saddam Hussein is developing weapons of mass destruction, but the international coalition against terror has no carte blanche for an invasion of any country, Fischer insisted.

In response, Bush said Colin Powell, and added that his staff has a solution.

Weve created a one-page form that allows us to declare war on Iraq for you, he explained. It really streamlines the consensus process for everyone.

That is not consensus! Fischer railed. That is worse!

Answered Bush: Oh, in that case, just Colin Powell.

Copyright © 2002, SatireWire.

* You wonder why singers Sting, Wolf Blitzer, and Bryan Adams stole wrestlers names * You only come out of your room if your theme music is playing * When your boss is pissing you off you kick him and give him a stunner * You always end a speech with, Thats the bottom line cuz John said so! or If you smellllll what John is cooking! * Your new wardrobe consists of more multi-colored bicep tassles, tights, and capes* If theres one beer left you suggest it should be suspended from the ceiling and the winner has to climb a stepladder to get it* Whenever you see someone lying on the floor you get the urge to put him in the sharpshooter

here is a song:

OHHHH bin lattin dont you die so guick im ganna fuck your fanny with some anthrax on my dick.

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock — its half-past three in the morning."Im not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Arent you going to answer that?" says his wife. So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didnt take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?""No. Get lost, its half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door.He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says "Dave, that wasnt very nice of you.Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up fromthe baby-sitter and you had to knock on that mans door to get us started again? Whatwould have happened if hed told us to get lost?""But the guy was drunk," says the husband."It doesnt matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and, not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push?" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts: "Where are you?"And the stranger replies: "Im over here, on your swingset.

The FBI puts an Ad in the newspaper, Wanted FBI agents. After sorting through all the applicants they narrow it down to three. They bring the first in for an interview and the interviewing agent says to the gentleman, We are the FBI, we solemnly do the duty of the country and always put the country before ourselves. Anything asked of us, we must do. Whether we like it or not. All our agents must be totally loyal. The guy responds that he always wanted to be an FBI agent and it has been his dream.

The agent then pulls out a gun and puts it on the table. Please, go into the next room where your wife is and shoot her.

The gentleman gets a repulsed look upon his face. I cant do that. She is my wife and I love her with all my heart!

The agent than says that he just isnt FBI material, but thanks him for coming down.

They then bring in the second man. The agent goes over the speel of loyalty for the country above all else. I always wanted to be an agent, my lifelong goal it was ever since I was a school boy, he replies.

The agent than proceeds to pull out the gun and place it on the table. Please, go into the next room and shoot your wife, FBI agent says, calmly.

The man than replies, I cant do that, although we have our problems, I cant kill her. She is the mother of my three kids…shes just too important.

The agent offers his respect, but with regret tells him that he just isnt FBI material.

Finally, the third gentleman is brought in. They go over the speel and the agent puts the gun on the table and asks him to go shoot his wife. The man nods, takes the gun and enters the next room.

Five or six shots are heard and then are proceeded by sounds of things slamming into the wall, tables splintering and shattering, muffled screams and metal bending. The FBI agent runs to the room with astonishment and confusion on his face.

What did you do?

The man calmly replies, The gun was full of blanks, so I had to beat her to death with a chair!

Included subliminal Impeach Janet Reno messages in start-up screen.
New Internet Explorer feature: whenever you visit a Web site ending in .gov, a message first appears reminding you that Microsoft is not a monopoly.
Source code no longer ones and zeros – try 666s and zeros. Windows start-up theme, played backward, says, Heres to my sweet Satan.
Comes with check for $50 that, if cashed, puts your name on an Internet petition telling the DOJ to buzz off *and* changes your long distance carrier to AT&T.
New desktop icon – click once, and $1 will go directly from your checking account into the Microsoft Legal Defense Fund.
Added new template to preinstalled version of Word: Letter to the editor expressing delight with Microsoft products.
Freebie computer-controlled Barney doll has been reprogrammed to say, Big government is sca-a-ary. Janet tried to hurt me.
TV function scrambles C-Span during antitrust hearings.
Desktop display with countdown tracking number of copies of Windows 98 that must yet be bought to prevent worldwide economic collapse!
Last-minute name change: was Windows 98, now Windows: Assimilate.

While in Israel I found a great buy on a computer. It is a kosher computer called a DELLSHALOM.

It was selling at such a good price that…well……… mine arrived today. If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you should know that there were some important upgrades and changes from the typical computer you are used to, such as:

The cursor moves from right to left.

It comes with two hard drives, one for Fleyshik business software and one for Milchik games.

Instead of getting a General Protection Fault error, my PC now gets Ferklempt.

The Chanukah screen savers include Flying Dreidels.

The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.

After my computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24 hours.

The Start button has been replaced with a Lets go! Im not getting any younger! button.

When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, I am instructed to Remove the cable from the PCs tuchus.

The multimedia player has been renamed to Nu, so play my music already!

Internet Explorer has a spinning Star of David in the upper right corner.

I hear Hava Nagila during startup.

When running scandisk, it prompts with a You want I should fix this? message.

When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud Oy Gevalt!

There is a monitor cleaning solution from Manischewitz that advertises that it gets rid of the schmutz und dreck on your monitor.

After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes Schluffen.


Computer viruses can now be cured with some matzo ball chicken soup.

The Y2K problem has been replaced by Year 5760-5761 issues.

If you decide not to shut down the computer in the prescribed manner, the following message appears You should be ashamed of yourself!

When Spellcheck finds and error it prompts Is this the best you can do?

The
boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted
with a childs whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to
talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your
Daddy home?" "Yes", whispered the small
voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered,
"No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the
boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes",
came the answer. "May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child
would be left home alone the boss decided he would
just leave a message with the person who should be
there watching over the child. "Is there any
one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employees
home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, hes busy," whispered the child. "Busy
doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to
Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered
answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what
sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on
the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering
voice. "What is going on there?" asked the
boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The
search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed,
concerned, and more than just a little frustrated
the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with
a muffled giggle: "Me!"