A woman and her daughter go to the store to get the daughter a Barbie. At the store, the daughter asks the lady working at the store if Barbie comes with Ken.

She replies, Oh no, Barbie only cums with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken.

Business was terrible at the new whorehouse. Customers were so scarce the madam of the house knew she had to do something to bring in more business.

This has often been described as the oldest business in the world, she said to herself, why shouldnt I advertise just like any business?

She gave an advertising agency a call and a representative came out. Once he understood the problem, he suggested attaching a neon sign to the front of the whorehouse. A lighted sign would be highly visible after dark when most customers would be likely to come around.

He also recommended a sign that displayed the bodies of a man and woman having sex. The representative then said, To guarantee the sign will be an absolute eye-catching success, I insist it must be designed to flash on and off.

Sounds like a great idea to me, the madam replied, except for one thing. Wouldnt it draw a lot more customers if it flashed in and out instead of off and on?

One day a blonde and a redhead were playing together over the redheads house while the redheads father was out. The father had a pet parrot, which he did not let anyone else touch. But, when he left, the girls took him out. The girls were playing with it, when the blonde grabbed the parrot and accidentally ripped out one of its wings. “Now youve done it!” the red head yelled at the blonde. “Go buy him another one just like that, heres some money.” The redhead went into her piggy bank and gave the blonde $50. “Okay,” said the blonde, “but its going to hard to find a parrot with only one wing.”

Why dont blondes like making Kool-Aid? Because they cant fit eight cups of water in the little packet.

A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her. The man in the car says to her, What do you have in the bag? The blonde replies: I have chickens! The man thinks for a moment and says, If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one? The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, Okay, but Ill make the bet even better! If you can guess how many chickens I have in the bag I will give you BOTH of them!"

A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.
"Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out.
"Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried.
"Whats your name, birdie?"
"Moses."
"What dumbass named you Moses?"
"The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."

Q: How do you spell onomatopoeia?

A: The way it sounds.

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. I think this one will really move said the broker, its only $1 a share.



Buy me 1000 shares. said the client.



The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, You were right, give me 5000 more shares.



The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.



The client ran to the phone and called the broker, Get me 10,000 more shares said the client.



Great! said the broker.



The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.



Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, Sell all my shares!



The broker said, To whom? You were the only one buying that stock.

A hooker was explaining her lifestyle to a girlfriend.

I put on stocking on one leg. One stocking on the other leg, and between the two I make a living.

Bubba and Jed took parachuting lessons, and were arguing
about who was best at folding a parachute.

Unable to resolve their dispute on the ground, they
decided to go up in a plane and judge by the midair
performance of their parachutes.

Bubba jumped first, pulled his cord, and started floating
down towards the earth.

Then Jed jumped, pulled his cord and nothing happened; he
pulled his safety cord- nothing. In a matter of seconds
he whizzed past Bubba, plummeting like a stone.

Oh, shouted the Jed, yanking off his harness, so ya
wanna race, do ya?!