When the husband came home from his job, he found his wife crying. Your mother insulted me, very much. she sobbed. My mother? How could she do that when shes on a vacation on the other side of the world?
I know. But this morning, a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it, because I was curious. And? At the end of the letter, it was written:
P.S. Dear Catherine, when youve read this letter, dont forget to give it to my son.
Soon available at checkout counters everywhere:
How do you open a can of beer?
Thats not the point – it should be open when she gives it to you!
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly five hundred.
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.
7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
21 to flame the spell checkers.
49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.
69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.
106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
2 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, Me Too.
6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
9 to quote the Me Toos and happily add, Me Three!
3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
24 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
53 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ray!
Ray who?
Rayders of the Lost Ark!
Chelsea asked her dad, Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time…? Bill Clinton replied, No. Some begin with After Im elected…
20. Thou shalt observe BBS time limits.
Do you know what a Yankee is?
Same as a quickie, except youre by yourself
Un señor va por la calle y se encuentra con un amigo:
Hombre ¿qué tal estás? HacÃa mucho tiempo que no te veÃa.
El amigo le responde:
Muy bien, me casé, ¿y tú?
SÃ, yo también, y tengo dos hijas, Colgate y Profiden.
El amigo se queda impresionado, pero no dice nada. Luego agrega:
Yo tengo una hija y se llama MarÃa.
El otro, sorprendido, le responde:
¡Ahhhhh, como las galletas!
On the first day of school, a 3rd grade teacher told her class: Now that you are grown up, I dont want to hear anymore baby talk. Id like each of you to tell us what you did during the summer vacation. Well start with Billy.
Billy: I went on a long trip with my family in the putt-putt.
Teacher: No, Billy, its not a putt-putt. Its a car. No more baby talk. Sally, youre next.
Sally: We went on a trip on a choo-choo to see Grandma.
Teacher: Sally, its not a choo-choo. Its a train. Please no more baby words. Mikey, what did you do?
Mikey: I didnt go anywhere. I stayed home and read my favorite book.
Teacher: And whats the name of the book.
Mikey looked embarrassed and shook his head.
Teacher: Come on, Mikey. Youre a big boy now. Tell us the name of the book and dont use any baby talk.
Mikey looked up, blushed, and said: O.K. ….. Winne-the-Shit!