En plena clase, Pepito se levanta; se baja los pantalones y, enfrente de todo su grupo, comienza a orinar cantando: Lindo pescadito…

Al día siguiente, a la hora del recreo, en medio del patio, se baja los pantalones y empieza a orinar cantando: Lindo pescadito…

La maestra, cansada de este acto, manda llamar a su papá:

Señor, me da mucha pena molestarlo, pero Pepito siempre se baja los pantalones y comienza a orinar cantando: Lindo pescadito…

El papá, riéndose, responde:

¡Ay, señorita, eso no es nada! Mire esto: Tiburón, tiburón…

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by God…



Well, Bill, Im really confused on this call; Im not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows 95. Im going to do something Ive never done before in your case; Im going to let you decide where you want to go.



Bill replied, Well, whats the difference between the two?



God said, Im willing to let you visit both places briefly, it if will help your decision.



Fine, but where should I go first?



Ill leave that up to you.



Okay then, said Bill, Lets try Hell first.



So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of BEAUTIFUL women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.



This is great! he told God. If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!



Fine, said God, and off they went.



Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.



Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. Hmmmm. I think Id prefer Hell, he told God.



Fine, retorted God, as you desire.



So Bill Gates went to Hell.



Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.



Hows everything going? he asked Bill.



Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I cant believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches, the beautiful women playing in the water????!



Oh, that?…That was a DEMO, replied God.

The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books.

Willie came up to the teachers desk and said, Miss Francis, I aint got no crayons.



Willie, Miss Francis said, you mean, I dont have any crayons. You dont have any crayons. We dont have any crayons. They dont have any crayons. Do you see what Im getting at?



Not really, Willie said, What happened to all them crayons?

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?

The blonde said, How about 50 dollars? The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?

The man replied, She should. She was standing on the porch.

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

Youre finished already? he asked. Yes, the blonde answered, and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. And by the way, the blonde added, thats not a Porch, its a Ferrari.

A lady says to her doctor, My husband has been complaining that my vagina has an odor, but I bent over and took a whiff, and I dont smell anything.

The doctor examines her, and then says, You need an operation.

She asks, On my vagina?

He says, No. On your nose!

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents."

A young boy had just earned his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car.

His father took him into his study and said, I will make a deal with you. You bring your school grades up, study your Talmud a little, get your hair cut, and then well talk about it.

After a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the fathers study where the father said, Son, Ive been very proud of you. You have brought your school grades up, youve studied the Talmud diligently, but you didnt get your hair cut.

The young man waited a moment and then replied, You know Dad, Ive been


thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair andNoah


had long hair.

The rabbi said, Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant, named Calle. It seems that Calle has a chronic illness which requires daily medication. The zoo people couldnt get Calle to take her dose orally, so a pharmacologist developed a suppository for her.

The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame, California.

Administering the DAILY medication takes five zoo workers, including one person to distract Calle with treats and one person who wears a full-arm glove.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALL THIS MEANS?

It means that five people have jobs worse than yours!

Now stop complaining and get back to work.

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, If
you kiss me, Ill turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up the
frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The boy took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, Ill
stay with you and do anything you want. Again the boy took the frog out,
smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, What is the matter? Ive told you Im a beautiful
princess, that Ill stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why wont
you kiss me?

The boy said, Look, Im a software engineer, I dont have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.

There once was an old man who was loved by everyone in the town where he lived. When he died, they buried him at a scenic location along a river.

A few days later there was a great rain storm and the river flood coffin was carried along the river in to the town. The casket flowed down the street past the supermarket and the school all the way into the pharmacy. It slid right in to the pharmacy and onto the counter. The lid popped open and the old man sat up and asked the pharmacist, Do you have anything to stop this coffin?