OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb. Well put, the judge replied. Using your logic, I sentence the defendants arm to one years imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses. The defendant smiled. With his lawyers assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Q: How many Dylan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The answer, my friend, is blowin in the wind. The answer is blowin in the wind.

Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The keyboardist does it with his left hand.

Irrumpe un grupo de drogadictos armados a un convento con la sola idea de violar a las religiosas. Ante el espanto de éstas, uno de los agresores amenaza:

¡Vamos a violar a cada una de ustedes, monjas putas!

Del fondo de la sala replica una: ¡Pero por favor, les suplico, no a nuestra madre superiora!

¡Dijo a todas, a todas!, recalca la madre superiora.

Una pareja de casados está en su noche de bodas. Ella se va a bañar y a cambiarse pensando en una romántica luna de miel. Al salir del baño con una hermosa bata, él le dice:

Amor mío, ¿por qué tanta ropa? Ya estamos casados; abre la bata y déjame ver tu belleza.

La mujer se abre la bata. El hombre lanza un suspiro y exclama:

¡Mi amor, qué belleza la tuya! Déjame tomarte una foto.

¿Para qué, mi vida?

Para llevar siempre tu foto cerca de mi corazón y poder contemplar tu belleza diariamente.

Cuando él sale de bañarse, ella le devuelve:

Mi amor, ¿por qué esa bata? Ya estamos casados; quítatela para contemplarte.

El hombre se abre la bata y ella le dice:

Déjame sacarte una foto.

¿Para qué, mi vida?, le pregunta meloso el tipo.

Para hacer una ampliación porque… ¡No jodas!

Durante el desayuno, la esposa comenta a su marido:

Si mi madre viene a vivir con nosotros, tendremos que mudarnos a una casa más grande.

Hmmm, ¿para qué? ¡Tarde o temprano nos encontrará!

Dont Let Them Define You





Accept no ones definition of your life,



but define yourself.

According to my calculations, the problem doesnt exist.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights.

A gentleman by the name of Borris goes to see a Rabbi.


Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.


Whats wrong? Asked the Rabbi


Borris replied, My wife is poisoning me.


The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, How can that be?


Borris then pleads, Im telling you, Im certain shes poisoning me, what should I do?


The Rabbi then offers, Tell you what. Let me talk to her, Ill see what I can find out and Ill let you know.


A week later the Rabbi calls Borris and says, Well, I have spoken to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?


Borris anxiously says, Yes.


Take the poison, says the Rabbi.