What is Rodeo Sex?

Well, its where your lady friend is on all fours, you are firmly ensconced from the rear with a breast in each hand, and you say to her, This is the way your sister likes it too. You have eight seconds to stay in the saddle.

Things that sound dirty at Thanksgiving but really arent:



Reach in and grab the giblets.



Whew… thats one terrific spread!



Im in the mood for a little dark meat.



Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.



Talk about a huge breast!



And he forces his way into the end zone.



Shes 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.



Its cool whip time!



If I dont unbuckle my pants, Im going to burst.



It must be broken cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.

How do you kill a blonde?


Put a scratch and sniff on the bottom of a pool and tell her to go smell it.

In the early 1930s, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

$10 for 3 minutes, replied the pilot. Thats too much, said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, Ill make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, youll have to pay $10.

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man.

Maybe so, said the farmer, But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

125. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say, I think this game goes a lot faster with two players.

how many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dont know. I havnt find one that could do it yet.

A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun – they just dont remember who with.

I got this from another Lab attendant at work, but cant remember who.

BMW

Babbling Mechanical Wench

Beastly Monsterous Wonder

Beautiful Masterpeices on Wheels

Beautiful Mechanical Wonder

Big Money Waste

Big Money Works

Blastphemous Motorized Wreck

Born Moderately Wealthy

Break My Windows

Broken Money Waster

Broken Monsterous Wonder

Brutal Money Waster

Bumbling Mechanical Wretch

Boring Monotonous Wanker

Buick

Big Ugly Import Car Killer

Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer

Big Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer

Chevrolet

Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips

Chevy

Charged Heavily

Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet

Dodge

Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter

Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere

Fiat

Fucking Italian Attempt (at) Transportation

Failure in Automotive Technology

Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

Fix It Again Tony!

Ford

Fucked over rebuilt Dodge

Fucker Only Runs Downhill

Fucked on Race Day

First On Recall Day

First on race day

Fix Or Repair Daily

Found on road dead

Fraternal Order of Restored DeSotos

GM

General Maintenance

GMC

Garage Mans Companion

Generally Mediocre Cars

Get More Chicks

Got More Crap

Mopar

Most Often Passed At Races

Mostly Old Parts And Rust

Mostly Old Paint And Rust

Plymouth

Please Let Your Mother Out (from) Under The Hood!

Pussy Lips In Your MOUTH

SAAB

Stupid, Arrogant Asshole Babies

Such an arrogant bastard!

Swedish Automobile – Always Broken

TOYOTA

Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

If you were in a dark room with a big strong man, would you want the lights on?

If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building with the same velocity, each travelling at a parallel speed relative to one another, who lands first? The brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask for directions.