A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentines day. What do you think it means?

Youll know tonight. he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it–only to find a book entitled The meaning of dreams.

Q: How many lexicographers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to protest that he should have changed it to light bulb.

Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One if at home, but on school time, four.

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.

En octubre en Perú había un mono que a cada rato se pajeaba. Un día pasó una chica y se excitó como mierda; se agarró el pene y lo empezó a mover como un tren.

Al otro día pasó una chica guapísima y el mono se pajeó como otra vez del mismo modo.

Al tercer día encuentran al monito muerto y le preguntan a un señor que estaba al lado por qué había muerto, y el señor responde:

Es que pasó por aquí la procesión…

– You give it a boogie!

One day this Blonde walked into her doctors office.

Doctor, Doctor Im having these awlful pains in my back.
Well let me take a look.

When the doctor looked he had a look of suprise on his face.
This is amazing.
What is is doctor?
I didnt know that the new Toyotas had ribbed leather rear seating!

How do you get a black guy out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Womens Snappy Comebacks:

Man: =Havent we met before? Woman: Yes, Im the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

Man: =Havent I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, thats why I dont go there anymore.

Man: = Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: = So, wanna go back to my place ? Woman: Well, I dont know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: = Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours and Ill go to mine.

Man: = Id like to call you. Whats your number? Woman: Its in the phone book.

Man: = But I dont know your name. Woman: Thats in the phone book too.

Man: = So what do you do for a living? Woman: Im a female impersonator.

Man: = What sign were you born under? Woman: No Parking.

Man: = Hey, baby, whats your sign? Woman: Do not Enter

Man: = How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized !

Man: = Hey, come on, were both here at this bar for the same reason Woman: Yeah! Lets pick up some chicks!

Man: = I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: = I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I dont accept cheap gifts.

Man: = If I could see you naked, Id die happy. Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, Id probably die laughing.

Man: = Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: = Id go through anything for you. Woman: Good! Lets start with your bank account.

Man: = I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Q: What do you get when you cross a 1-legged Polak with a Mongoloid?

A: A Polaroid One-Step.