Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet.
–Robin Williams
16
Apr
16
Apr
Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1-3, alpha = .05
16
Apr
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
165. Make pancakes every morning, but dont eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your roommate that your pancake farm isnt evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.
16
Apr
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
16
Apr
16
Apr
A massive cold front swept across the nation this week, but its not
expected to affect the election. Says Hamilton, The Weather Channel said
the five-day forecast for Bob Dole is three days.
16
Apr
As you read the scroll, it vanishes…
16
Apr
This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co- worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in fashion sense.
Yo, Bob, I didnt know you were into earrings.
Oh, yeah, sure, says Bob sheepishly.
Really? How long have you been wearing one?
Ever since my wife found it in our bed.
16
Apr
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.The genie said, OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and Im getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about getting three. You only get one wish!The man sat and thought about it for a while. Finally, he said, Ive always wanted to go to Hawaii but Im scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?The genie laughed loudly and said, Thats impossible. Think of the monumental logistics! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of all the concrete! Think of all the steel! No, think of another wish.The man said OK, sat back down and tried to think of a really good wish.Finally, he said, Ive been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I dont care and that Im insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside. I want to know what theyre thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to know why theyre crying and know what they really want when they say nothing. Most of all, I want to know how to make them truly happy.The genie said, You want that bridge two lanes or four?
16
Apr
A farmer and his friend are talking, at some point in the conversation, the farmers three-legged pig walks by. The friend asks about the lame pig, and why the farmer hasnt killed it off.Well, the farmer says, that pig has helped us through a lot.. last month our house caught on fire, and he dragged me and my family to safety. Then a few days later, my boy was drowning in the lake and the pig helped him out.The farmers friend was still confused and asked, So how did the pig lose his leg?Well.. the farmer answered, a pig like that, you cant eat all at once.