Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw his wife flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man started to scream for help. A trout fisherman ran up.
The man said, My wife is drowning and I cant swim. Please save her. Ill give you a hundred dollars.
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, Okay, wheres my hundred?
The man said, Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, Just my luck. How much do I owe you?
Posted in Love and marriage |
Una pareja de esposos dicutÃa, y el marido dice:
Es que tu mamá tiene la culpa de todo.
La esposa responde: SÃ, ya sé que tú no quieres a mi mamá.
Quién dice que no quiero a tu madre, si a tu madre la quiero igual que a la cerveza…
La esposa, conocedora de la pasión de su conyuge por la cerveza, le dice con tono de interrogación: ¿Tú quieres a mi mamá igual que a la cerveza?
Si, quiero a tu madre como a la cerveza, porque la quiero frÃa, con la boca abierta y echando espuma…
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
La familia del pequeño Jacob se mudó a un pequeño pueblo donde la única escuela que habÃa era católica. La directora, una monjita, le dijo al niño que antes de admitirlo le pondrÃa una pequeña prueba acerca de algunos conocimientos fundamentales de la fe cristiana, y le proporcionó un folleto para que lo estudiara.
El pequeño Jacob, a fin de no fallar en el examen, apuntó en el elástico de su calzoncito ciertos nombres que le eran poco familiares. El dÃa del examen le pregunta la religiosa:
Dime, Jacob, ¿dónde nació Nuestro Señor?
El niño hizo como que se concentraba, y disimuladamente consultó sus notas.
En Belén.
¡Muy bien!, se alegra la madre.
Y ¿quién fue la madre del Señor?
Nueva ojeada de Jacob al elástico, y su respuesta:
MarÃa.
¡Perfecto!, lo anima la directora. Ahora dime ¿quién es nuestro Salvador?
El pequeño Jacob echa una nueva ojeada al sitio de sus apuntes y responde luego:
Calvin Klein.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Posted in Blonde |
Yo momma so fat, it takes her two trips to haul ass.
Posted in Yo Mama |
Your Momma sooo ugly, when she go to the beach the tide dont come in!
Your Momma so dirty, when she stand next to a building she look like an alley!
Your Momma so poor, she go to Mcdonalds to put a shake on layaway!
Your Momma so dumb, she called information to ask for the number to 911!
Your Momma so fat her belt size says equator.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Cocaine is natures way of telling you you have too much money.
Posted in Business |
An old Jewish man was trying to cross a street in Berlin in 1943 when he accidentally bumped into a burly stormtrooper.
Schweinhund, said the trooper aggressively.
Goldberg, greeted the man, stretching out his hand.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
In desperation, the young bride finally wrote to Xaviera Hollander:
Im married to a sex maniac. My husband never leaves me alone. He makes love to me all night long, while Im in the shower, while Im cooking breakfast, while Im making the beds, and even while Im trying to clean the house. Can you tell me what to do?
Signed, Worn Out
P.S. Please excuse the jerky handwriting
Posted in Naughty |
Visionary: Cannot handle paperwork or any project that lasts less than a week.
Well organized: Does too much busywork.
Will go far: Relative of management.
Posted in Terms and definitions |