Old and New Jokes

Es el día del examen final en el seminario. El padre superior le echa un discurso a los seminaristas que van a graduarse:

Hijos míos: cansados ya como estamos de tantos escándalos en los que los nuevos sacerdotes se ven envueltos, hemos decidido hacerles un examen especial, para probar su resistencia hacia las tentaciones de la carne. Para empezar, desnúdense. El padre Humberto va a pasar entre ustedes con unas campanillas. Tome cada uno de ustedes una de ellas, y amárresela al pene.

Una vez preparados los seminaristas, entra al salón una bailarina de striptease, vestida en forma muy sugestiva. Inmediatamente empiezan a sonar las campanillas de la mitad de los seminaristas, tilín, tilín, tilín.

El padre superior les ordena salir del salón diciéndoles: Hijos míos, lo siento pero ustedes no están preparados todavía para salir al mundo. Que continúe la prueba.

La bailarina empieza a hacer su espectáculo. Cuando se quita el vestido, !Tilín, tilín, tilín!, se oyen las campanillas de la mitad de los que quedan.

La bailarina continúa. Cuando se quita el brassiere, !Tilín, tilín, tilín! suenan casi todas las campanillas… y sólo quedan tres seminaristas… pero no por mucho tiempo. Cuando la bailarina se quita la tanga, dos campanillas suenan: !Tilín, tilín, tilín!

Queda un seminarista, imperturbable. A una seña del padre superior, la bailarina se le acerca, y lo acaricia. Silencio absoluto. Se le sienta encima. Silencio.

!Basta! Dice el padre superior. Hijo mío tú has sido el único de tu generación en haber superado tan difícil prueba. Estás listo para salir al mundo. Dame un abrazo de despedida…

!Tilín, tilín, tilín!

SADDAM IN FIT AFTER PROZAC RUNS OUT

Amidst the bombing, Saddam Hussein was heard wimpering that he was defying the US led embargo of his country only because it prevented him from getting his prescription for Prozac refilled.



He is suffering the mother of all snits now that his medication has run out. We are fearful to be around him. It would be in the best interest of world peace to get him a megadose of Prozac so he returns to his happy, cheerful self before its too late, one of Saddams close advisors said after being assured anonymity.



A White House source admitted that the President had previously considered the option of a Prozac airdrop over Husseins bunker, but he decided against it, imagining the world with a smiling happy-go-lucky Saddam was just too much.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Nurse!
Nurse who?
Nurse sense talking to you!

A: Because thats where youre supposed to wash vegetables.

Why couldnt the bicycle stand up?

Because it was two-tired.

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. Good heavens, he said, what is this?

Why, its bean soup, she replied.

I dont care what it has been, he sputtered. What is it now?

Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Six. One to screw it in, one for support, and four to share the experience. This joke was once overheard being told by a lecturer to a class of students during a lecture, in order to make a point about the fact that only one student was doing any work at the terminal while a whole bunch had crowded round to watch – sharing the experience of him doing the work.

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers.

He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.

Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like hes a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap. Oh look, says the second nun, a soap dispenser.

To test her theory she also pulls his dick… and sure enough he drops the last bar of soap.

The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and three times.

Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her delight she yells, Look, hand cream!

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Top 10 Benefits of a White House Internship

First-hand knowledge of domestic affairs

Pay is lousy, but the hush money is great

Gives new meaning to MTV slogan Rock the Vote

Observe the Presidents commitment to young people
first hand

Learn intricacies of statutory rape law

Have President chase around desk brandishing his
subpoena

President tells you he really wants you on his staff

Try out JFKs legendary rocking chair

Have President introduce you to his special
investigator

Find out what a politician means when he says hes
been polling his constituents