Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969. The other points his thumb behind him and says, Dog crap, 20 feet back.
Joke found on http://www.doorseva.com
A Russian man loses his pet parrot. He looks everywhere, all around the
neighbourhood, in the park, everywhere. He just cant find the parrot.
Finally, he goes around to the local KGB office, and tells the desk officer
his problem.
The desk officer is a little puzzled. Look comrade, Im sorry you lost
your pet, but this is the KGB. We dont handle missing animal reports.
Oh, I know that, says the man. I just wanted you to know, if you do
happen to find my parrot–I dont know where he could have picked up his
political ideas.
What did the rain cloud wear under his rain coat?
Answer: Thunder wear!
This woman had just gotten out of the shower when her husband went in. Suddenly the door bell rang, so she put on a towel and went downstairs. When she opened the door it was the next-door neighbor Rob. Ill give you $500 if youll drop the towel, Rob said. So she dropped the towel, grabbed the $500, then went to tell her husband about the money.
Before she could say a word, however, her husband yelled out, Hey, was that Rob with that $500 he owes me?
What does an agnostic, insomniac, dyslexic do? Stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and
girls, and would his mother, please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnnys mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. – First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse…Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. -Ok, now take off my skirt… and he takes off her skirt. – Now take off my bra… which he does. -And now, Johnny, please take off my panties. and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, Johnny, PLEASE dont wear any of my clothes to school any more!
Era la primera cita de Pepito con su novia, y éste no sabÃa que hacer. Por eso, su hermano mayor y él estaban hablando a través de unos walkie-talkie.
Se hizo de noche y Pepito va a dejar a su novia a su departamento. Como Pepito querÃa tener sexo con ella, comienza a comunicarse con su hermano.
Oye, quiero acostarme con mi chava, ¿qué es lo primero que debo hacer?
Primero, llévala a su cama y dale un beso, le instruye el hermano.
Ya lo hice, ahora qué.
QuÃtale la ropa.
Sà ya, qué sigue.
Ahora quÃtale la ropa interior.
Listo, qué más.
Bueno, desvÃstete tú.
Qué sigue.
Por último, métele lo que sólo tú y yo tenemos.
Pasan 5 minutos y el hermano intrigado le pregunta: ¿Pepito, qué haces?
Lo que me dijiste, le metà lo que sólo tú y yo tenemos.
¡¿Y que le metiste?!
El walkie-talkie.
This man could not get his daughter to scream. She would not even scream when she was mad. So a man put a poster outside of his house that said, If you can make my daughter scream you will get $5,000! A white man, a black man, and a chianeese man went to the house and took a shot at it.The white man went in, and the father heard no scream. The black man went in, and the father heard no scream again. So the chianeese man went in, and the father heard the loudest scream he had ever heard. The fater said, My daughter never screams. How did you make her scream? The chianeese man said, Me chianeese me play trick me put hot sauce on my dick
Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.