11
May

La maestra les pide a

La maestra les pide a los alumnos un proyecto de investigación en el que comprueben una hipótesis y sea expuesto en clase. Al día siguiente, Pepito llega con un cangrejo; lo coloca sobre una mesa; le arranca 2 patitas y le ordena:

Cangrejito camina, cangrejito camina.

El pobre animal hace un esfuerzo y logra caminar. Extrañada, la maestra le cuestiona que qué quiere probar con eso.

Espere un momento y lo verá.

Entonces, Pepito le arranca otras dos patas al crustáceo y le vuelve a ordenar:

Cangrejito camina, cangrejito camina.

Con tan sólo dos patas, el bicho logra camina con bastante dificultad.

¿Qué quieres probar con esto?, interrumpe la maestra, reiterando la pregunta.

Espere un momento.

Y, por si fuera poco, le arranca las últimas dos patas sin contemplaciones y nuevamente le ordena:

Cangrejito camina, cangrejito camina.

Molesta y sin comprender, la maestra insiste:

Ahora sí, Pepito, ¿cuál es la conclusión del proyecto?

¡Qué cuando el cangrejo pierde todas las patas se queda sordo!

11
May

Todos estaban mirando el album

Todos estaban mirando el album familiar. Pepito, el más chico de la familia, mira la foto de un hombre muy apuesto, delgado, de bigotes y pelo negro, entonces pregunta:

Mamá, ¿quien es este hombre?

Ese es tu papá.

El muchacho mira de reojo a su padre, se le acerca a su mamá y le dice al oído:

Y el pelón gordo y feo que vive con nosotros ¿quien es?

11
May

Peeping Tom

Q: What is the difference between a peeping tom and a robber?

A: A robber snatches watches.

11
May

What is Bills definition of

11
May

They reckon it was the

They reckon it was the cigarettes that killed him, but hes been smoking
for 68 years I dont see why it would kill him now!

11
May

Biology Class

A seventh grade Biology teacher arranged a demonstration for his class.
He took two earth worms and in front of the class he did the following:
He dropped the first worm into a beaker of water where it dropped to the
bottom and wriggled about. He dropped the second worm into a beaker of Ethyl
alchohol and it immediately shriveled up and died. He asked the class if
anyone knew what this demonstration was intended to show them.

A boy in the second row immediately shot his arm up and, when called on said:
Youre showing us that if you drink alcohol, you wont have worms.

11
May

Is there a Santa Claus? The Rebuttal

Is there a Santa Claus? The Rebuttal

(Jim Mantle, Waterloo Maple Software)

Come on, ya gotta believe! I mean, if you can handle flying furry animals, then its only a small step to the rest! For example:

As admitted, it is possible that a flying reindeer can be found. I would agree that it would be quite an unusual find, but they might exist.

Youve relied on cascading assumptions. For example, you have assumed a uniform distribution of children across homes. Toronto/Yorkville, or Toronto/Cabbagetown, or other yuppie nieghborhoods, have probably less than the average (and dont forget DINK and SINK homes (Double Income No Kids, Single Income No Kids)), while families with 748 starving children that they keep showing on Vision TV while trying to pick my pocket would skew that 15% of homes down a few percent.

Youve also assumed that each home that has kids would have at least one good kid. What if anti-selection applies, and homes with good kids tend to have more than their share of good kids, and other homes have nothing but terrorists in diapers? Lets drop that number of homes down a few more percent.

Santa would have to FedEx a number of packages ahead of time, since he would not be able to fly into Air Force bases, or into tower-controlled areas near airports. Hed get shot at over certain sections of the Middle East. and the no-fly zones in Iraq, so hed probably use DHL there. Subtract some more homes.

I just barely passed Physics and only read Stephen Hawkings book once, but I recall that there is some Einsteinian Theory that says time does strange things as you move faster. In fact, when you go faster than the speed of light, time runs backward, if you do a straight line projection, connect the dots and just ignore any singularity you might find right at the speed of light. And dont say you cant go faster than the speed of light because Ive seen it done on TV. Jean-Luc doesnt have reindeer but he does have matter-antimatter warp engines and a holodeck and thats good enough for me. So Santa could go faster than the speed of light, visit all the good children which are not uniformly distributed by either concentration in each home or by number of children per household, and get home before he left so he can digest all those stale cookies and warm milk. Yech!

Aha, you say. Jean-Luc has matter-antimatter warp engines, Santa only has reindeer. Where does he get the power to move that fast?
-You- calculated the answer! The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each. This is an ample supply of energy for the maneuvering, acceleration, etc., that would be required of the loaded sleigh. The reindeer dont evaporate or incinerate because of this energy, they accelerate. What do you think they have antlers for, fighting over females? Think of antlers as furry solar arrays panels.

If thats not enough, wathc the news on the 24th at 11 oclock. NORAD (which may be one of the few government agencies with more than 3 initials in its name and therefore it must be more trustworthy than the rest) tracks Santa every year and Ive seen radar shots of him approaching my house from the direction of the North Pole. They havent bombarded him yet, so they must believe too, right?

11
May

24 hours to live

Yeah, Doc, whats the news? answered Fred when his doctor called with his test rewults.

I have some bad news and some really bad news, admitted the doctor. The bad news is that you only have twenty-four hours to live.

Oh my God, gasped Fred, sinking to his knees.

What could be worse news than that?

I couldnt get ahold of you yesterday.

11
May

Whats for Dinner?

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals.

The chief comes to them and says, the bad news is that now that weve caught you, were going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.

The Frenchman says, I take ze sword.

The chief gives him a sword, he says, Vive la France! and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, a pistol for me, please.

The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says,

God save the queen! and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, gimme a fork.

The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.

The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over — the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Theres blood gushing out all over, its horrible.

The chief is appalled, even for a cannibal.

He asks, My God almighty, what are you doing?

And the New Yorker replies, So much for your canoe!

11
May

Cigarettes and sex (PG-13)

This conversation between John Ritter and James Belushi occurred in the movie Real Men:

Ritter: I didnt know you smoked.

Belushi: Only after sex.

Ritter: Oh. Thats not much.

Belushi: Nah, just a pack a day.

Ritter: Thatll kill you!

Belushi: No. But it makes me pretty sore.

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