Old and New Jokes

Do you know the similarity between a rainbow and an Indian policeman ?
Well, both appear after the storm has abated.

A German, an American, and a Mexican are traveling in the Amazon, and they get captured.

The head of the tribe says to the German, What do you want on your back for your whipping?

The German responds, I will take oil! So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times.

When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, What do you want on your back?

I will take nothing! says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

What will you take on your back? the Amazons ask the American. He responds, Ill take the Mexican.

[Ed: Edited]
(From article <6907@jhunix.HCF.JHU.EDU> in soc.culture.indian:)

Two Boll Weevils grew up in South Carolina, one went to Hollywood

and became a famous actor while the other stayed behind in the

cotton fields and never amounted to much.

The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two

weevils.

You wake up on a beach and suddenly notice the sand is all red.So is the sea.So are the rocks.So are the gulls, the sky and *gasp* your skin is red too!And all of a sudden you realise what is going on.Youve been marooned.

Drug dealers Software developers
Refer to their clients as users. Refer to their
clients as users.
The first ones free!Download a free trial
version!
Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the
stuff). Have important South-East Asian connections (to help
debug the code).
Strange jargon: Stick, Rock, Dime bag, E.
Strange jargon: SCSI, RTFM, Java, ISDN.
Realize that theres tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old
market. Realize that theres tons of cash in the 14- to
25-year-old market.
Job is assisted by the industrys producing newer, more potent
mixes. Job is assisted by industrys producing newer, faster
machines.
Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers.
Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture
capitalists.
Their product causes unhealthy addictions. DOOM. Quake.
SimCity. Duke Nukem 3D. Nuff said.
Do your job well, and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who
depend on you. Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?

A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

A Texan is visiting Israel, and feeling thirsty, he stops at a house along the road. Can you give me a drink of water? asks the Texan.

Of course, says the Israeli, and invites the Texan to come in.

What do you do? says the Texan.I raise a few chickens, says the Israeli.

Really? says the Texan. Im also a farmer. How much land do you have?

Well, says the Israeli, out front its fifty meters, as you can see, and in the back we have close to a hundred meters of property. And what about your place?

Well, says the Texan, on my ranch, I have breakfast and get into the car, and I drive and drive…and I dont reach the end of the ranch until dinnertime.

Really, replies the Israeli. I used to have a car like that.

You know who built the other hemi.

Your car stereo costs more than your car.

Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.

Truckers tell your wife to watch her language.

Your wife uses a photo of Tammy Faye as a makeup application guide.

Your wife has more children than teeth.

Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

When you walk your dog you both use the same tree.

Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.

Your dog sleeps closer to you than your wife does.

You go to the family reunion to pickup women.

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
A: Reagan ate all the jellybeans.