Old and New Jokes

What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?

A doyouthinkhesaurus!

Comparing notes, one southern woman said to the other, Horny men are all alike.

Nodding, the other southern belle said, Horny men are all Ah like, too.

HaHaHa, reminds me of a few people I know down here.

Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you dont have to retrain the cellists.

A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation.

Watching the doctors every move, he asked, Whats that?

The doctor explained, This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he wont know any thing thats going on.

Save your time, Doc, exclaimed the man.

He dont know nothing now.

Little jonnys in class and the teacher says there are 3 magpies sitting on the fence the farmer shoots one how many are left little jonny says there would be none left miss,the teacher says no there would be two left ,little jonny says no if the farmer shoots one the other two will fly off ,the teacher says no your wrong but i like the way your thinking,little jonny says can i ask you a question miss,ok she says little jonny says three woman walking down the street one is biting a lolly,one is sucking a lolly,one is licking a lolly which one is married.looking a bit flustered the teacher says well i suppose the one sucking a lolly,he says no the one with the wedding ring on her finger but i like the way your thinking…

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes froze the end of my nose.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Why is the word big so little and the word little so big?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.

Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?