Old and New Jokes

Her ankles.

How many blonde jokes are there? None, theyre all true!

Lost: Small apricot poodle – Reward. Neutered, just like one of the family.
Dog For Sale: Great Dames.
Dog For Sale: Eats anything; especially fond of children.

How do you know when a ventriloquist lawyer is lying?

His lips arent moving.

Button sported by high school band director – A depiction of a saxophone and a cymbal, with the caption Sax Cymbal.

What happened to the dyslexic Polak?

He thought he was a dance!

(polka)

One night, a torrential rain soaked South Louisiana; the next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about six feet into most of the homes there. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodaux, waiting for help to come. Suddenly, Mrs. Thibodaux noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float all the way back to the house; it kept floating away from the house, then back in. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, Do you see that baseball cap floating away from the house, then back again? Mrs. Boudreaux said, Oh yes, thats my husband; I told him he was going to cut the grass today come Hell or high water!

If its zero degrees outside today and its supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Why are they called apartments, when theyre all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you dont have?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Why are blondes like 7-Eleven stores? Open 24 hours a day.

Un señor va a pedir un trabajo en las oficinas de recursos humanos. y cuando lo atienden, el entrevistador le dice: Bueno, veo que tiene un curriculo bueno, ¿cuanto decía que le pagaban en su antiguo trabajo?

Y el desempleado le responde: Creo que eran unos 9000 dólares mensuales.

El señor de recursos humanos se detiene a pensar un poco y le dice: Bueno, me acuerdo de este lugar en el cual daban un seguro de vida de 1000,000 de dolares, un excelente plan dental, una paga mensual de 10,000 dólares, casa nueva en una de las mejores urbanizaciones de la ciudad, excelente puesto de estacionamiento, y un automóvil nuevo, creo que era un Lambourgini Diablo sv.

El desempleado le dice: No lo puedo creer. Usted debe estar bromeando.

Y el tipo de recursos humanos le responde: Sí, pero usted empezó.