Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman
A Christmas tree doesnt care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
A Christmas tree doesnt care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
21
May
21
May
The Top 15 Ways Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long
15. Wet willies from two tables away!
14. Almost guaranteed to be Madonnas sole boyfriend for at least a week or two.
13. Now can carry *two* dozen donuts while juggling.
12. Much easier to clean behind the refrigerator.
11. You can finally do that 3-puppet show without getting arrested.
10. Two-handed typing during cybersex!
9. Interested in Anna Nicole Smith but youre 18, healthy and poor? Not a problem anymore!
8. Youd be a shoe-in for Hollywood Lizard Boy roles.
7. For once, itll be the dogs turn to look at you with envy.
6. Youd need Mick Jaggers lips & John Elways teeth to stay in proportion.
5. When picking nose, can cut out the middle man.
4. Tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Hell, gobble a handful and weave a friggin picnic basket!
3. Increased number of taste buds finally allows one to discern between Kool-Aid flavors.
2. Your previously-neglected navel would suddenly be your second cleanest body part.
and the Number 1 Way Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long…
1. The counselor at Oversized Features Anonymous shows interest in you, but you cant help but question her motives.
21
May
Al momento de salir la carroza funebre, Pepito rompe a llorar.
Papá, no me dejes, llévame contigo, papá, buahhhhh…
El público aglomerado en la salida de la funeraria rompe a llorar sin
contemplación. Y el niño continuaba su cuadro de dolor:
Papá no me dejes, no me dejes papá, llévame contigooooo…
De repente el chofer de la carroza, frena y sale del vehiculo y grita:
¡Mira muchacho del demonio, vete para la casa y déjame trabajar!
21
May
Did you hear about the two Mexicans on Thats Incredible?
One had auto insurance, and the other was an only child.
21
May
Recently I answered the phone and it was a sales person from a long
distance company. They asked for my late father by name.
Im sorry, I answered, but hes dead.
Their reply, May I leave a number in case the situation changes?
21
May
Q: Whats the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, Arent you done yet?
The nympho says, Are you done already?
The blonde says, Beige. . . I think Ill paint the ceiling beige.
21
May
Quit drinkin gas
Keep your television on a low setting, no higher than channel 5
Recycle Top Ten List entries
Recycle Top Ten List entries
Host late-night talk show that causes millions of Americans to turn off their television sets
Crap, thats a hard question… is wrestling on?
Instead of motor oil, lubricate your cars engine with Oil of Olay
Turn off the lights at Shea Stadium – would it really matter?
Say goodbye to your electric razor – get yourself some Epil-Stop & Spray
Become President – ignore the problem completely
MMI, Viacom Internet Services Inc.
21
May
How the Bible would have been different if written by college students:
Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips
Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasnt dorm food.
Pauls Letters to the Romans become Pauls E-Mail to the Romans.
Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates. The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather Finals.
Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didnt want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.
21
May
A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, Now, what do I give them to drink?
21
May
Q: What did the Butcher say to me when he gave me an Empty Hotdog?
A: Have a Hollow Weenie.