Old and New Jokes

A gorilla was walking thru a jungle when he came across a deer eating grasses in a clearing. The gorilla roared, Whos the king of the jungle?, and the deer replied, Oh, you are, Master.

The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. Again, he roared,Whos the king of the jungle?, of course, the zebra replied, You are, master.

The gorilla walked of pleased. Then he came across an elephant. Whos the king of the jungle?, he roared again, at the elephant. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.

The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, Ok, ok, theres no need to get mad just because you dont know the answer!

The following would fit very nicely into the fortune program:

Well, Brahma said, even after ten thousand explanations,
a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only
two thousand five hundred.

-The Mahabharata.

Craig Werner (MD/PhD 91)

From The Guardian newspaper, diary section, 11th October.
(Diarist Andrew Moncur)

Please suspend incredulity at this point. I am merely seeking
further particulars about an absent-minded biologist named Ralph.
He is alleged to have been doing some research on sperm whales.
This involved borrowing a whales 9 foot long penis (preserved)
from the Natural History Museum. It is further alleged that he
took this item, suitably packaged, off home on the bus. When he
arrive he, of course, discovered that he had left it on the bus.
Forgetful, you see. So he had to go round to the lost property
office and ask the attendant whether, please, he had a 9 ft penis.
AND HE HAD. Can anybody fill in the details? On second thoughts
I really think Id sooner not know.

Un hombre llega a su casa borracho a las 6 de la mañana. Le dice su esposa:

¿Pero qué horas son éstas de llegar?

¿Qué hace este hombre contigo en mi cama?

¡No me cambies la conversación, no me cambies la conversación!

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.



America, the husband replied.



Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. Shes not from the States.



Yes I am. said the wife.



He looked at her and asked, Is he your husband?



Yes. she replied.



Turning to the husband, he offered…. Ill give you 100 camels for her. The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, shes not for sale.



After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.

WhatÕs black and crisp and hangs from the ceiling?

An [ethnic] electrician.

Microsoft Corp. dismissed an anti-virus companys claim that versions
of Internet Explorer 3.0 and above possess another hole in security by
calling the feature in question a design thing, not a bug.

alt.sex.lesbian.steel_workers
alt.aviation.kamikazi.pilots
alt.sex.gay.policemen
alt.sex.straight_actors_guild
alt.aviation.hang_gliders.quadraplegic
comp.os.win95.happy_users
alt.military.deutchland.ss.former.hit-squad.members
alt.religion.jewish.oversexed.girls
alt.justice.free.charles.manson
alt.medical.proctologist.talk

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why dont we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, its worked for over 200 years, and were not using it anymore.

ATTENTION ALL MICROSOFT HATERS – I have sorted through my tagline manager and have found all of theMicrosoft bashing taglines I can possibly find. Please have yourself a laugh at Bill Gates expense:

I dont hate Windows – it runs great under OS/2!
Chicago, Windows 4.0, Windows 95?!?!?!?
Mr. Worf, blow the Windows-powered Borg ship out of this Universe!
#1 OS/2 tip: Drag the Windows folder to the shreader!!!
– Opens new Gates not seen through Windows!
.. Bugs come in through open Windows.
..Windows NT Performance, on the next In Search Of
After seeing Windows I realized Bill Gates is an idiot.
Air conditioned environment – Do not open Windows.
Best way to dispose of the Borg: Give them Windows 3.1.
Bugs come in through Open Windows
Chernobyl used Windows
Downgrade your system for only 89 dollars! Install Windows!
Error 15 – Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
Windows Error #F99 – CPU too tired to continue…
Error Loading Windows : (A)bort (R)etry (B)oot
WINDOWS ERROR #004: Operator fell asleep while waiting.
Windows 95 = 95% done. Better wait till 1999.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I…
Friends encourage friends to use Windows – under OS/2!
Get OS/2 2.0 – The best Windows tip around!
HAL 9000: Dave. Put down those Windows disks, Dave. DAVE!
Having Windows problems? Dial 1-800-3-IBM-OS2 for fast relief!
He whom opens thee Windows invites the bugs in
How do you make Windows faster ? Throw it harder
I dont do Windows, but OS/2 does.
If all else fails, you must still be using Windows.
If at first you dont succeed, you must be using Windows.
Microsoft gives you Windows… OS/2 gives you the whole house.
MS Windows — From the people who brought you EDLIN!
One mans Windows are another mans walls…
OS/2 2.1: Taking the wind out of Windows.
OS/2 is not about fixing old Windows, but opening new doors.
OS/2: Opens Windows, Shuts up GATES…
OS/2: Windows with bullet-proof glass.
Please call the windows police. Ive caught another gpf.
The Magic of Windows: Turns a 486 back into a PC/XT.
This score just in: OS/2, Windows 0.
This tagline does not require Micro$oft Windows.
Turn your 486 into an XT–just add Windows!
Welcome to Hell! Heres your copy of Windows!
Why look thru Windows? Open the door to the future: OS/2
Windows error 000 : No errors found! [CLOSE]
Windows Error: 004 – Operator fell asleep while waiting
Windows is *NOT* a virus. Viruses *DO* something!
Windows is for fun, OS/2 is for getting things done.
Windows is the best GUI – It always sticks!
Windows isnt CrippleWare — its Functionally Challenged.
Windows NT Performance, on the next In Search Of
Windows NT: Only 16 megs needed to play Minesweeper!
Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared.
Windows only crashes itself under OS/2. Not the whole machine.
Windows punts, OS/2 receives. Touchdown!
Windows tip: set BUGS=OFF in your config.sys
Windows would look better with curtains.
Windows-Brain Dead, OS/2-for people who can chew gum and think!
Windows: The answer to a question nobody has ever asked.
Windows: Training wheels for OS/2
Windows: A problem to a solution that was never needed.
Windows: An answer to a question nobody has ever asked.
Windows: an Unrecoverable Acquisition Error!
Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN!
Windows: XT emulator for an AT.
Windows? WINDOWS?! Hahahahahehehehehohohoho…
WindowsNT: From the makers of Doublespace
Yuk, what kind of dumb menu system is that? Oh, so that is Windows!
Chicago only promises what OS/2 DELIVERS!
Chicago runs best on a VCR.
Chicago, an operating system Pair-of-Dimes shift!
Chicago… The biggest thing since New Coke!
Chicago: NT deja vu!
Chicago? Been There,… Done That 2 Years Ago! I run OS/2!
Chicago? Been there. Im ready to travel at WARP speed!
640K ought to be enough for anybody. – Bill Gates, 1981
I believe OS/2…to be the most important OS…of all time Gates 87
OS/2 is destined to be the most important OS. . . Bill Gates
OS/2 is the operating system of the 90s – Bill Gates
Opens new Gates not seen through Windows!
After seeing Windows I realized Bill Gates is an idiot.
B.Gates : quality software :: R.McDonald : gourmet cuisine
If you cant make it good, make it LOOK good. …Bill Gates.
It compiled, first screen came up?? Ship it! –Bill Gates
OS/2: Opens Windows, Shuts up GATES…
Does Microsoft mean small and limp?
If at first you dont succeed, work for Microsoft.
Microsoft gives you Windows… OS/2 gives you the whole house.
The Microsoft Motto: Were the leaders, wait for us!
MS-DOS: celebrating ten years of obsolescence