* Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.* Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.* Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.* Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.* Dogs shed, cats shred.* I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?* No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.* I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.* Dont accept your dogs admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.* We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?* Women and cats will do as they please…men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.* In order to keep a true perspective of ones importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
You might be a redneck if…
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
A guy goes into the hospital for exploratory surgery. Waking up from the anaesthesia he sees his doctor standing at his bed side.
So tell me Doc, what did you find out?.
The Doctor says, Son we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we were able to save your private parts.
Yes that is good news Doc, but what about the bad news?
We put them under your pillow…
Bhola and Herolal decide to have a reunion. So Herolal decides to visit Bhola, who is living in a big city.
But Herolal gets lost and calls his friend Bhola,
Hey, I am coming over but I am lost and have no idea where I am.
Bhola replies, Its okay, just look at the street intersection, there will be two signs, read them to me.
Herolal looks over and then says, Okay, okay, I see them, one says Walk, the other one says Do not walk.
Oh good, you are right down the street. Ill be over to pick you up.
25 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT THE ATOMIC BOMB
1. Is there any evidence that a thermonuclear device exploded over
Hiroshima in 1945?
No, absolutely none. According to leading historians and physicists,
the thermonuclear bomb was not invented until years after the supposed
detonation over Japanese territory.
2. Is there any evidence that a uranium-based atom bomb was ever dropped
onto Nagasaki, Japan?
Absolutely not. While many historians and journalists made this claim
in the late 40s and early 50s, everyone now agrees that no such
bomb ever exploded over Nagasaki. Yet there are some who still stubbornly
cling to this supposed fact.
3. What are the materials needed to make an atom bomb?
Uranium-238 and plutonium-239.
4. Arent these materials radioactive?
Highly so. Anybody who attempts to use these materials is endangering
his/her life.
5. Is it likely that nuclear scientists in the 40s would be
handling uranium and plutonium?
This would be highly unlikely. Very few people felt so threatened
by the Japanese to be willing to risk their lives on a theoretical
chance of a superbomb that could end a far-away war a little sooner.
6. Arent there witnesses to the atomic bomb in Hiroshima?
The only witnesses that could possibly survived this supposed
explosion would have been blinded by the intense flash of light,
so their testimony is quite unreliable and contradictory.
7. According to conventional historians, was the uranium bomb tested
before supposedly being dropped over Hiroshima?
No. There was no testing whatsoever of a uranium bomb in Alamogordo
or anywhere else before Hiroshima.
8. Isnt that strange?
Yes. Typical weapons are tested for months and years before deployment;
there is no other weapon that according to the accepted facts deployed
before any testing whatsoever.
9. How many witnesses are there for all of the atomic tests allegedly
occuring during the fifties and sixties?
Very few, perhaps a few hundred, who claimed to have seen them.
10. What did the General Advisory Committee of the Atomic Energy
Commission say in their report of October 30, 1949?
They recommended strongly against the development of what they
called the Super Bomb, which is simply a thermonuclear
bomb. They said that A super bomb might become a weapon of
genocide.
11. Isnt this four years after Hiroshima and Nagasaki?
Yes. Obviously development of nuclear weapons occurred well
after their supposed implementation in 1945.
12. Is radioactivity dangerous?
Everything is radioactive to some extent.
13. What was the triggering method of the bomb that supposedly
was dropped on Hiroshima?
According to the standard historical accounts, it used a gun-
assembly trigger.
14. Wasnt the gun-assembly method of triggering abandoned
in the design stage?
Yes; according to these same sources the gun method would not
work with uranium-derived plutonium-239 because some of the
plutonium-239 absorbs a neutron to become plutonium-240, which
undergoes spontaneous fission, all before supercriticality,
causing a premature and very small explosion that is unusable
for the very purpose that it was supposedly designed for!
15. How do conventional historians rectify these two facts?
They dont even attempt to.
16. How many books have been written about the atomic bomb?
Many hundreds, as well as thousands of articles in magazines
and newspapers.
17. Why was Hiroshima targeted, and not Tokyo?
Perhaps because no one had heard of Hiroshima, and no one knew anyone
from there. It would be far more difficult to claim that Tokyo was bombed
than Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In fact, most world maps from before World
War Two do not even mention these cities at all.
18. How does Japan benefit from the atom bomb story?
As a direct result of the war, Japan has received billions of dollars
worth of US aid for its defense. Japan has essentially no defense
budget, so it can pour resources through MITI into defeating the US
economically, all while playing on the emotions of anti-nuke activists
about the horrors of nuclear weapons.
19. Wow, I never thought of that. How else do the Japanese
benefit from this story?
The Japanese now own major Hollywood studios, from which many war
movies are produced. Also, they play upon our sympathy for the
supposed atom bomb to blind us to the fact that this foreign
nation had taken over our semiconductor industry, many California
banks and practically the entire state of Hawaii.
This is all a part of the Japanese plot to take over the world.
According to the Protocols of the Elders of the Orient, this
is a Japanese conspiracy all foretold by their ancient texts
that very few Anglo-Saxons have the ability to read.
19. How many people are supposed to have died in the explosions?
It is hard to say. Some sources say 60,000 in Hiroshima, others say
140,000. No attempt has been made to rectify the various numbers.
20. How many people die annually from car accidents in the US?
Over 50,000.
21. So, what makes Hiroshima so special?
Nothing, especially given the contradictory evidence about it.
22. Boy, Im mad. What should I do about this?
Glad you asked. First, send me lots of money so we can spread this
message far and wide. Maybe well take out ads in college newspapers
or something.
Second, direct your anger at the Japanese. We are the victims, and
they are the aggressors. Make yourself feel important again by bashing
Japan at every opportunity. Japanese people are inherently evil, and
basically subhuman. They were never bombed, and if they would have been
they would have deserved it. Who do they think they are, anyway?
Yes, we Revisionists have all the answers. Life is a lot simpler than
you thought it was. Join us, and you wont have to be bothered anymore
by any feelings of guilt for your inherent hatred. We can justify it!
Oh, its not the Japanese you hate, but the crippled? Hey – so do we!
Its easy: we dont like feeling uncomfortable around people in wheelchairs,
either! Who do they think they are, taking all the good parking spaces
when they were stupid enough to slip on a banana peel? ITS A
CONSPIRACY! –See how easy it is to start? Now, just mix in a few
real facts, and start converting all of the otherwise messed-up
people to OUR CAUSE!
23. Wow! You mean that I could write stuff like this, too?
Sure! Its embarrasingly easy to write what we wrote above. In fact,
its even superior to the usual anti-Semitic revisionist garbage,
because it has a higher percentage of REAL FACTS! Most of the
apparent contradictions above come from the facts that Nagasaki
was bombed by a plutonium bomb, not uranium; and that hydrogen
bombs are thermonuclear, not atomic bombs. Just juggle information
about the different types of bombs and mix them up so they seem to
be contradicting each other. It doesnt take ANY INTELLIGENCE
WHATSOEVER, and you can get lots of free air time on 48 Hours!
Oh, I forgot to mention: I have a Japanese girlfriend who agrees
with EVERY WORD Ive written above. Here she is:
Yes, I am his Japanese girlfriend. I love him very much, and Ive
always been troubled by my Japanese friends claiming to know people
who died in Hiroshima.
There you have it! Just throw some unverifiable opinions on top
of ridiculous proofs to STRENGTHEN YOUR CASE!
24. Couldnt I be arrested for this?
No! This country is founded on FREE SPEECH! But, just make sure
that you mention how much you are being persecuted for saying
your version of history. (More than three email messages a day
qualify for being called harrassment. Five may merit a lawsuit.)
25. Where can I get more information?
Go to a library. Take a book at random. Skim it. Then, decide how
that book is either for you or against you. If it is for you, quote
liberally and out of context. If against you, do the same.
DONT LET YOURSELF GET CONFUSED BY THE FACTS! We certainly dont!
A little boy comes home from school and asks his mother for some ice cream.
The mother is having a bad day and snaps, NO!. The little boy turns and runs into his room.
After a minute, the mother feels bad she snapped and knocks on his door.
Johnny, Im sorry I snapped at you. Do you want to play a game or something?
Sure, Johnny replies. How about we play Mommy and Daddy?
OK, says the mother. How do we play?
You go upstairs and lay down on your bed.
The mother figures this is harmless, so she agrees and goes upstairs.
Meanwhile, Johnny rummages throught the closet and finds his dads hat and coat. He digs in the ashtray to find a long cigarette butt.
After dressing and putting the cigarette in his mouth, he swaggers up the stairs.
There, on the bed, is his mother. Johnny marches in, walks up to the bed, and says, Get your butt out of bed and get that kid some ice cream!
You know youre a redneck when you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
Inspirational stuff!!!
It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you have to let go.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation youve ever had.
Its true that we dont know what weve got until we lose it, but its also true that we dont know what weve been missing until it arrives.
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Dont go for looks, they can deceive. Dont go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be because you have only one chance at life to do the things you want to do.
Always put yourself in the others shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress, a loving word may heal and bless.
The happiest of people dont necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear.
A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back.
Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic and will probably not make the party at all.
The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air.
She speaks to the other bum and says, What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!
Other bum says, Well, I dunno. Let me ask him.â€
Shouting out he say’s, “HEY WILLIE, FOR $50 WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?
The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake and the waves that were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of passion nearby.
One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to whisper Darling am I the first man to make love to you ?
Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable. Of course you are! she said. And also the best too. I dont know why you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions.