Thank goodness, sobbed Snow White. At least Dopeys still alive!
23
Oct
Snow White arrived home one evening to find her home destroyed by fire. She was especially worried b
23
Oct
A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg? Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war. Interviewer: How did you get that hook? Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife. Interviewer: What about your eyepatch? Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye. Interviewer: And that put your eye out? Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.
23
Oct
- Stop neglecting children; at least learn their names and birthdays.
- Stop circulating the Good Times Virus and Join the Crew e-mail.
- Read all of the mail from all of the lists I have subscribed to.
- Limit my subscriptions of lists to a maximum of fifty.
- Back-up 4 gig hard drive weekly; well, maybe at least monthly.
- Not rush to any ftp site as soon as I hear of a new Beta.
- Insist that all ten best lists be strictly limited to ten.
- Not buy magazines with AOL disks just to get another 1.44MB disk.
- Answer Snail Mail with the same enthusiasm & promptness as e-mail.
- Spend less than two hours a day on the Web; on new sites anyway.
- Try the e-mail version of the Mrs. Fields cookie recipe.
- Promise when I hear Where do you want to go today?, I wont laugh. (Well, maybe not!)
- Think of a password other than password to use on web sites.
- Never throw another snowball via e-mail; at least not til next year.
Thanx to the ORIGINAL Joke of the Day!
22
Oct
A blonde was stranded on a desert island so she swims half way back to the main land gets tired so she turns around and swims back.
22
Oct
NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWERS
Government Department of Fish and WildLife Sec. 1200
1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout whiplash, ambulance, or free Perrier for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW
dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, entrap, or possess it.
9. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.
10. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drugdealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or taxaccountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
BAG LIMITS
(Maximum number of catches allowed per hunting season)
1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder………..(2)
2. Two-faced Tort Feasor……………(1)
3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator…..(4)
4. Small-breasted Ball Buster……….(3)
(Female only)
5. Big-mouthed Pub Gut……………..(2)
6. Honest Attorney…………………(0)
(On the Endangered Species List) (Illegal to hunt)
7. Cut-throat……………………..(2)
8. Back-stabbing Whiner…………….(2)
9. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser…………(2)
10. Silver-tongued Drug Defender…….($100 BOUNTY)
22
Oct
What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.
Whats the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.
Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.
What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.
Whats a brunettes mating call?
Has the blonde left yet?
What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation
What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage
22
Oct
On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A Marachi band playing just for me.
On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me,
2 pounds of tortilla chips.
A Marachi band playing just for me.
On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me,
3 Habenero Peppers (oh hot!)
2 pounds of tortilla chips.
A Marachi band playing just for me.
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me,
4 bowls of salsa.
3 Habenero Peppers (oh hot!)
2 pounds of tortilla chips.
A Marachi band playing just for me.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me,
5 gallons of Mescal.
4 bowls of salsa.
3 Habenero Peppers (oh hot!)
2 pounds of tortilla chips.
A Marachi band playing just for me.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me,
6 tiny key limes.
5 gallons of Mescal.
4 bowls of salsa.
3 Habenero Peppers (oh hot!)
2 pounds of tortilla chips.
A Marachi band playing just for me.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me ,
7 pints of vanilla.
6 tiny key limes.
5 gallons of Mescal.
4 bowls of salsa.
3 Habenero Peppers (oh hot!)
2 pounds of tortilla chips.
A Marachi band playing just for me.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me,
8 Homemade Tamales.
7 pint of vanilla.
6 tiny key limes.
5 gallons of Mescal.
4 bowls of salsa.
3 Habenero Peppers (oh hot!)
2 pounds of tortilla chips.
A Marachi band playing just for me.
On the ninth day of Christmas my true Love sent to me,
9 Cartons of Marlboro.
8 Homemade Tamales.
7 pint of vanilla.
6 tiny key limes.
5 gallons of Mescal.
4 bowls of salsa.
3 Habenero Peppers (oh hot!)
2 pounds of tortilla chips.
A Marachi band playing just for me.
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me,
10 Ripened Mangos.
9 Cartons of Marlboro.
8 Homemade Tamales.
7 pint of vanilla.
6 tiny key limes.
5 gallons of Mescal.
4 bowls of salsa.
3 Habenero Peppers (oh hot!)
2 pounds of tortilla chips.
A Marachi band playing just for me.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me,
11 boxes of Chicklets.
10 Ripened Mangos.
9 Cartons of Marlboro.
8 Homemade Tamales.
7 pint of vanilla.
6 tiny key limes.
5 gallons of Mescal.
4 bowls of salsa.
3 Habenero Peppers (oh hot!)
2 pounds of tortilla chips.
A Marachi band playing just for me.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me,
12 Bottles of Corona.
11 boxes of Chicklets.
10 Ripened Mangos.
9 Cartons of Marlboro.
8 Homemade Tamales.
7 pint of vanilla.
6 tiny key limes.
5 gallons of Mescal.
4 bowls of salsa.
3 Habenero Peppers (oh hot!)
2 pounds of tortilla chips.
A Marachi band playing just for me.
22
Oct
Mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. What are they doing? Cramming for finals?
Old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
Did Adam ever said to Eve, Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!
I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol.
22
Oct
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous
and give the wrong answers.
22
Oct
Yo mama so fat when she takes a ride on a airplane, they charge her double.