Now it seems Clinton and co-President Hillary are concerned that theyre gonna have to leave Washington DC when their terms over.
Theyre trying to organize the Mother of all Fund Raisers to see if they can purchase Washington DC outright, so they can stay on.
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermellon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read: Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmers sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read: Now there are two!!!
Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting.
They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.
They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected. He said, The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind.
One of the hunters pushed forward, Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. Whats with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.
Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, Do you know where we are?
I think so, replied the other Redneck. Yep! I think this is about 150 yards further along than where we crashed last year!
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, Up nuts! And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, Down Nuts! And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, Cheer nuts! And they all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, Everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, PEANUTS!
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.
As the bus shakes and rattles, the old mans cane slips on the floor and
he falls. As he gets up, a seven year old kid, sitting nearby, turns to
him and says, If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick,
it wouldnt slip.
The old man snaps back: Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven
years ago, I would have a seat today.
Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, Thats a nice kitty. Drop pill into its mouth.
Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
Follow same procedure as in #1, but hold cats front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)
Again proceed as in #1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cats mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you wont be able to see what youre doing. Thats just as well.
Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
If youre a woman, have a good cry. If youre a man, have a good cry.
Now pull yourself together. Whos the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position #1, say sternly, Whos the boss here, anyway? Open cats mouth, take pill and … Oooops!
This isnt working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.
Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.
Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.
Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.
Flatten cats front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.)
Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man or woman.
Resume position #1. Rotate your left hand to cats head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.
Drop pill into cats mouth and poke gently. Voila! Its done.
Vacuum up loose fur (cats). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).
Take two aspirins and lie down.
You might be a redneck if your toilet paper has page numbers on it!
Q: Whats a blondes favorite wine?
A: Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!
You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
The best way to keep things cold is to leaveem in the shade.
Youve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
1. You strike a match and light your nose.
2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
3. You hear a duck quacking and its you.
4. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
5. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
6. You hear someone say, Call a priest!
7. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
9. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
10. You tell everyone you have to go home… and the partys at your place.
11. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
12. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
13. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room… and realize youre in front of the hall mirror.
14. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
15. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.