Una madre acude al ginecólogo con sus dos hijas de 13 y 20 años respectivamente.

¿Qué la trae, por la clínica?, pregunta el galeno.

Mis hijas y yo, doctor.

Veamos, cuénteme.

Doctor, mi hija menor tiene los senos duros como limones.

¿Cómo? A ver…

Mire, doctor.

Y le muestra los senos de la niña.

Después de inspeccionar por cinco minutos, el médico expone:

Sí, señora, duritos, duritos, como limoncitos.

Mi hija mayor, también los tiene duritos, como pomelos.

El facultativo rápidamente inspecciona y luego de diez minutos le comunica a la madre:

Sí, señora, duritos, duritos, como pomelos.

¡Y yo, mire mis senos como melones, duritos, duritos!, dice la madre mientras echa fuera sus senos.

El especialista inspecciona a la madre durante medía hora (con los ojos en blanco, el pobre).

Doctor, dígame ¿que podrá ser?

¡No sé, señora…!

Y agitado continúa:

Debe ser un mal de frutas, porque ¡mire como tengo el plátano: durito, durito!

T-shirt in the 21st century – Disco still sucks

The only one who ever got anything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

One morning Santa Singh received a letter in the post warning him, “If you do not send Rs. 50,000 to the above address immediately, we will kidnap your wife and you will never see her again.”

Santa Singh sent the following reply,
Dear Sir,
I do not have Rs. 50,000 but your offer interests me greatly.

A blonde buys two horses and she cant tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horses tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So she cant tell them apart again. She asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells her to cut one of the horses ears. So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence. She is still confused. She asks the farmer what to do. He tells her to measure them. She comes back and says, "The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!"

Across the road walks a man. Seeing the man too late he hits him. The force of the collission drives the mans body into the bumper so that the man is stuck to the truck, half of his body hangs under the trucks wheels. The driver desperately tries to get rid of the body by driving foward and backwards, but the body sits. Further down the road sits a traffic officer and after a while he notices this truck. He stands up and makes his way to the truck. Ariving he indicates that the driver must stop and open his window. Opening the window the officer ask: Excuse me sir, is the pedestrian bothering you?

A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesnt know what to do. He goes to the Rabbi to seek his advice.

He tells the Rabbi about all of his problems in the business and asks the Rabbi what he should do.

The Rabbi says Take a beach chair and a Bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the waters edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and open it up. The wind will riffle the pages for a while and eventually the Bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the first words your eyes fall on and they will tell you what to do.

The man does as he is told. He places a beach chair and a Bible in his car and drives down to the beach. He sits on the chair at the waters edge and opens the bible. The wind riffles the pages of the Bible and then stops at a particular page. He looks down at the Bible and his eyes fall on words which tell him what he has to do.

Three months later the man and his family come back to see the Rabbi.

The man is wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, the wife is all decked out with a full-length mink coat and the child is dressed in beautiful silk. The man hands the Rabbi a thick envelope full of money and tells him that he wants to donate this money to the synagogue in order to thank the Rabbi for his wonderful advice.

The Rabbi is delighted. He recognizes the man and asks him what words in the Bible brought this good fortune to him.

The man replies: Chapter 11.

(There is not a woman alive today who wont crack up over this!)I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the
week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctors office to
tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didnt have any time to spare.As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when
making such visits, but this time I wasnt going to be able to make the
full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable.I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes,
hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called
in. Knowing the procedure, as Im sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, My, we have made an extra effort this morning, havent we? I didnt respond.After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The
rest of the day was normal… some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, Mommy, wheres my washcloth?I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, No, I
need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, Doc, Im getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks Im a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?
After the doctor stops laughing he says, Medically, no, but heres something you can try. On the wedding night, when youre getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him its your virginity snapping. The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for it.
They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress and as her hubby slips it in, she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks:
What the hell was that?
The wife explains, Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping.
The husband cries out, Well snap it again, its got my balls!

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