Yo momma so fat, it takes her two trips to haul ass.
16
Dec
16
Dec
Your Momma sooo ugly, when she go to the beach the tide dont come in!
Your Momma so dirty, when she stand next to a building she look like an alley!
Your Momma so poor, she go to Mcdonalds to put a shake on layaway!
Your Momma so dumb, she called information to ask for the number to 911!
Your Momma so fat her belt size says equator.
16
Dec
Cocaine is natures way of telling you you have too much money.
16
Dec
An old Jewish man was trying to cross a street in Berlin in 1943 when he accidentally bumped into a burly stormtrooper.
Schweinhund, said the trooper aggressively.
Goldberg, greeted the man, stretching out his hand.
16
Dec
In desperation, the young bride finally wrote to Xaviera Hollander:
Im married to a sex maniac. My husband never leaves me alone. He makes love to me all night long, while Im in the shower, while Im cooking breakfast, while Im making the beds, and even while Im trying to clean the house. Can you tell me what to do?
Signed, Worn Out
P.S. Please excuse the jerky handwriting
15
Dec
Visionary: Cannot handle paperwork or any project that lasts less than a week.
Well organized: Does too much busywork.
Will go far: Relative of management.
15
Dec
Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo?
Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first.
Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmno_qrstuvwxyz.
Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but wheres the p?
Malcolm: Miss, its running down my leg!
15
Dec
A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands.
A little leprechaun and if I open my hand hell get scared away, the boy said. He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him what he had in his hands.
A little leprechaun and if I open my hands hell get scared away.
He was sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands.
A little leprechaun and if I open my hands hell get scared away.
He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands.
A little leprechaun and if I open my hands hell get scared away.
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, Open your hands! Look, Dad. You scared the crap out of him.
15
Dec
Una ocasión pasaba Pepito por el cuarto de su hermana cuando de pronto vió que ella estaba desnuda frente al espejo y restregándose todo el cuerpo decÃa ¡Quiero un hombre! ¡Quiero un hombre!
Al otro dÃa pasa nuevamente Pepito por el cuarto de su hermana y la ve con un hombre. Inmediatamente corre a su cuarto y se empieza a desvestir frente al espejo y una vez desnudo empieza restregarse su cuerpo diciendo ¡Quiero una bici! ¡Quiero una bici!
15
Dec
Dos amigos se encuentran en su viaje anual de cacerÃa cuando, sin pensar, entran a la zona de leones. Mientras están preparando sus armas, un león se acerca y se les pone enfrente, mirándolos a los ojos. Uno de los camaradas dice, con voz muy baja:
Compadre, páseme con mucho cuidado mis tenis sin hacer ruido
Se cambia las botas por los tenis y se pone un pantaloncillo. El amigo, al verlo, exclama:
¡Oiga, compadre, no sea payaso! ¿A poco cree que le va a ganar a correr al león as�
Pues al león no sé, ¡pero a usted sÃ!