While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his hand caught in a gate while working his cattle) a doctor and the old man were discussing President Bushs health care reform ideas. The old man said Well, ya know, G.W. Bush is a post turtle.
So, not knowing what he meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.
The old man said When youre driving down a country road, and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, thats a post turtle. You know he didnt get up there by himself, he doesnt belong there, he cant get anything done while hes up there, and you just want to help the poor thing down.
[Thanks to rubin] – www
Posted in General / Unsorted |
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, Is my time up?
God said, No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.
Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color.
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
She was released from the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, I thought you said I had another 43 years?! Why didnt you pull me out of the path of that car?
God Replied, Sorry, I didnt recognize you!
Posted in Gender humor |
Algunos ejemplos de graffiti humorÃsticos que se encuentran en las calles colombianas:
Mi abuela dijo no a la droga… y se murió.
No soy dólar… pero subo y bajo.
No hay mujer fea… sino mal escogida.
Las mujeres son como el 11… empiezan con uno y terminan con uno.
Ãrbol que nace torcido… sirve para columpio.
Mi profesor es como un cirujano… primero nos duerme y luego nos raja.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Le pregunta el nieto a su abuelo:
Abuelo, ¿no habrás visto unas pastillitas blancas que yo tenÃa por aquÃ?
No, hijo mÃo, y tú, ¿has visto el dragón del pasillo?
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
En un voraz incendio, el jefe de los bomberos nota que le faltan dos de los integrantes. Cuando los está buscando, observa que el camión se mueve en forma cadenciosa; abre la puerta, y encuentra a los dos bomberos perdidos en plena activida sexual.
¡¿Pero que está pasando aqu�!, pregunta indignado el jefe.
Lo que pasa es que mi compañero se estaba asfixiando con el humo y yo vine a darle auxilio.
¡Pero para la asfixia lo que se recomienda es respiración boca a boca! grita enojado su superior.
¡Sà jefe, asà fue que empezamos!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, Id give anything to sink this next putt.
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so he says, Okay, and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole.
The same stranger moves to his side and says, Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?
The golfer shrugs and says, Sure. He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?
The golfer says, Certainly! He makes the eagle.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, You know, Ive really not been fair with you because you dont know who I am. Im the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life.
Nice to meet you, says the golfer. My names…
Father OMalley!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a
747.
Posted in Blonde |
A young English girl was holidaying in Paris and went to a well known night spot, here she was approached by a handsome Frenchman(if there is such a thing:). The Frenchman propositioned the girl, eventually she succumbed to his Gallic charm.
She went with him to his flat, had a drink of wine but, was then very surprised when instead of leading her into his bedroom to make wild passionate love to her he insists on having her against the wall in the lounge.
Afterwards she asked him why?
Mon Cherie, all Frenchmen know, he explained, that the English are always their best when their backs are against the wall!
Posted in Ethnic |
Author unknown – a good joke which is circulating among teachers.
A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.
Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could imagine.
Children, Id like you to close your eyes and taste these, announced the teacher.
Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons, and mint but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.
Ill give you a hint, said the teacher. Its something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time.
Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, Spitem out, you guys, theyre assholes!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Q: What do you get when you cross a midget with a prostitute?
A: A little fucker about so tall.
Posted in Foul Language |