Old and New Jokes

A mainframe computer on which everyone in the office depended suddenly went down.

They tried everything but it still wouldnt work. Finally they decided to call in a high-powered computer consultant.

He arrived, looked at the computer, took out a small hammer and tapped it on the side. Instantly the computer leapt back to life.
Two days later the office manager received a bill from the consultant for $1,000.

Immediately he called the consultant and exclaimed, One thousand
dollars for fixing that computer?! You were only here five minutes! I want the bill itemized!

The next day the new bill arrived. It read,

Tapping computer with hammer: $1
Knowing where to tap: $999

white house

What does a apple and a blonde have in common?

Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

What is the difference between a straight rooster and a gay rooster?






The straight rooster says cock-a-doodle-doo and the gay rooster says any-cock-will-doo!!!!!!!

A 17-year-old girl had just gotten her drivers license and offered to take her moms car to the gas station. She pulled up to the full-service pumps, and the attendant asked, What grade, miss?



Eleventh! she replied.



(Did I mention she was also Blonde?)

Theorem: All positive integers are equal.

Proof: Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B, A = B.

Further, it is sufficient to show that for all N > 0, if A and B (positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B.

Proceed by induction.

If N = 1, then A and B, being positive integers, must both be 1. So A = B.

Assume that the theorem is true for some value k. Take A and B with MAX(A, B) = k+1. Then MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k. And hence (A-1) = (B-1). Consequently, A = B.

LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter."So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?""None. I had a perfect marriage." "Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?""Only twice, I think," says the second guy."Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?""12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy. "Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford." Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercdes crying. "Whats wrong?""I just saw my wife.""So?""She was riding a skateboard."