Manolo va manejando por la autopista, cuando suena su teléfono celular. Al contestar, oye la voz de su esposa que le dice con alarma, Manolo, acabo de oir en las noticias que hay un auto en sentido contrario en la autopista que siempre tomas de regreso a casa. ¡Por favor ten cuidado!
¡Joder!, responde Manolo, No es sólo un auto. ¡Son cientos de autos!
A woman walked out of a coffee shop just in time to see a very strange sight.
Moving slowly down the street was a funeral procession which consisted of a hearse followed by another hearse, followed by a woman walking a dog,followed by 200 women in a long line.
The procession was moving slowly and her curiosity got the best of her.So she walked up to the woman with the dog.
I hope you dont mind me asking, who is in the first hearse?
Thats my husband. He was attacked by our dog and killed.
Well, who is in the second hearse?
Thats my mother in law. She tried to save him and was killed by the dog too.
Is this the dog, she asked?
Yes said the widow.
The first woman thought about it for a minute and then asked. Can I borrow your dog?
Sure, said the widow,get in the line.
Most people dont know that back in 1912, Hellmanns mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery were disconsolate at the loss.
Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th, and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo….
DeVriess Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you dont want hits the paper.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
a Koala bear was bored and had nothing to do, so he decided to pick up a hooker, after he was done with her, he told her U can leave now, the hooker picked up a dictionary and said the definition of hooker gets paid for sex. the Koala bear picked up a dictionary and said the definition of Koala bear eats bush and leaves
10) They call me Don Juan in diaper.9) Im a 400 pound hunk of burnin love.8) Lets enjoy the traditional Japanese custom of gettin it on.7) Wanna wrassle?6) I may look tubby, but I got an ass like a jackhammer.5) People say I look like a young Paul Newman.4) Wanna do it with a fat guy?3) Im 3 percent muscle, 50 percent fat, and 100 percent sex machine.2) You can be on top.1) Ive got Mount Fuji in my pants
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately…
A gentleman is permitted to join a private club.
The initiation consists of holding an unprepared on-the-spot lecture, on a theme starting on a letter which is alotted to him.
The man gets an S, and chooses to give his impromptu lecture on Sex.
Coming home and reporting to his wife, he chickens out and says that he spoke about Sailing.
The next day, his wife meets a club member who says her hubby gave a very good lecture last night -hawhawhaw.
Wife: Thats strange, I must say. He has only done it twice. The first time he got sick, and the second time he lost his hat.
The doctor says to the first old man, What is three times three?
274 was his reply. The doctor worriedly says to the second man, Its your turn. What is three times three? Tuesday replies the second man. The doctor sadly says to the third man, Okay, your turn. Whats three times three? Nine says the third man. Thats great! exclaims the doctor. How did you get that? Jeez, Doc, its pretty simple, says the third man. I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday.