A MOTHER AND HER FIVE YEAR OLD SON ARE ON THEIR WAY HOME FROM DAYCARE WHEN THE CHILD SEES TWO DOGS IN A FIELD SCREWING. PUZZLED, THE CHILD ASKS THE MOM WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
THE MOM NOT SURE HOW TO ANSWER SAYS THEY ARE BUSY MAKING PUPPIES.
LATER THAT EVENING WHEN EVERYONE IS IN BED MOM AND DAD ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF HAVING SEX. ALL OF A SUDDEN THE YOUNG BOY WALKS IN.
DADDY, HE SAYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WELL SON HE SAID, YOUR MOM AND I HAVE DECIDED ITS TIME FOR YOU TO HAVE A LITTLE BROTHER OR SISTER.
THE BOY STARTS CRYING AND SAYS, NO DADDY, TURN MOMMY OVER, ID RATHER HAVE A PUPPY!
11
Apr
11
Apr
A man comes across a genies bottle on the beach and rubs it. A genie appears to grant the man 3 wishes. First the man asks for a million dollars. The genie grants his wish. The the man says that he has always wanted to be as smart as a rocket scientist and the genie grants his wish.
The man thinks long and hard about his third wish and then say, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I am afraid to fly and I am afraid of sailing. Could you build a bridge from here to Hawaii?
The genie looks at the man, Are you crazy? Do you know how much material and time that will take?
The man thinks again and says, Then my last wish is to understand how women think.
Would you like that bridge two lane or four?
11
Apr
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ina Claire!
Ina Claire who?
Ina Claire day, you can see for miles!
11
Apr
If your trailer has more miles than your truck.
11
Apr
Men say the smartest things when they start the sentence with A woman once told me…
11
Apr
You may have noticed that a new TV ad for Microsofts Internet Explorer e-mail program uses the musical theme of the Confutatis Maledictis from the Mozarts Requiem.
Where do you want to go today? is the cheery line on the screen.
Meanwhile, the chorus sings Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis, which means, The damned and accursed are convicted to flames of hell.
11
Apr
It is parents evening and a young teacher is called away in an emergency just before she is due to see the last set of her pupils parents for the evening.
So she asks one of the other teachers to fill in for her. The other teacher agrees but asks for some background information before she meets the parents.
Who is the pupil? the substitute teacher asks.
Oh a lovely sweet little boy but he isnt that bright, can be a bit of a handful and seems more interested in play than work.
Right. says the substitute teacher as she is writing notes and then also asks, and the mother what about her?
Oh, she is a Korean lady, but unfortunately she thinks that her little boy is both an angel and a genius, so please be diplomatic when you talk with her, as she really got upset last time when I said I thought her son was probably not equipped for a future career in Medicine and that he might possibly have to consider an alternative career such as a chef.
Thanks for the warning, says the substitute teacher and asks, how about the father? He might be a little more realistic about his son, whats he like?
I am sorry but there it gets even worse. the teacher answers.
What do you mean ? asks the substitute.
Well the Korean lady is a lessbian, you see and her girlfriend is Jewish! the teacher replies.
11
Apr
Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train??
A: A teacher says spit out that gum and a train says choo choo choo!
11
Apr
A young minister had just got out of the seminary, got his first church, and was preaching his first sermon. In the seminary, they had taught him that if he forgot something, just back up and repeat what he had said, and maybe it would come back to him.
He started out with a quote, Behold, I cometh….. but he couldnt remember the rest of it.
So he trys to regain his composure, backs up an starts again… Behold I cometh… but he still couldnt remember.
So he rears back and shouts again, Behold I cometh! … but this time he trips over the pulpit and falls right into the lap of a little old lady sitting the front row!
He was embarassed and started apologizing, but before he could finish the woman muttered…
It isnt your fault sonny – you told me you were coming three times… I should have moved!
10
Apr
Un hombre le dice a su novia:
MarÃa, ahora mismo te la voy a meter hasta el fondo.
¡Pero, Carlos, podrÃas ser algo más romántico! ¿No?
Está bien, MarÃa: A la luz de la luna, te la voy a meter hasta el fondo.