Old and New Jokes

Your Mommas so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale!

You might be a redneck if…
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Yucca!
Yucca who?
Yucca catch more flies with honey than vinegar!

When a sign that says Say No To Crack! reminds you to pull up your jeans.

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

tis man walks in to a dinner and says can i use your bathroom the man says yes let me show you where thay are the man say ok and they to he back of the dinner and they come to the bathroom door so they walk in and the guy says would you like the singing toilet or the glass toilet and the man says Ill take the singing toiletso the guy walks in to the stall and comes back out and says man do you know how enoying that toilet is all it sings is DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE!!

Yo mama so nasty, her favorite meal is chicken pox pie.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

How To Shower Like A Man:

1 – Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2 – Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo sound.

3 – Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your privates and smell your fingers for one last whiff.

4 – Get in the shower.

5 – Dont bother to look for a washcloth (you dont use one).

6 – Wash your face.

7 – Wash your armpits.

8 – Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

9 – Wash your privates and surrounding area.

10 – Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.

11 – Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

12 – Make a shampoo Mohawk.

13 – Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

14 – Pee (in the shower).

15 – Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.

16 – Partially dry off.

17 – Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.

18 – Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

19 – Leave bathroom fan and light on.

20 – Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go Yeah baby and thrust your pelvis at her.

21 – Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

Clinton in 1996–NOT!!

Q: How many armies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while, the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then try again from the other side, the Americans to turn up late and finish it off and take all the credit, and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.