Old and New Jokes

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard and asked him, Daddy, what is sex?



The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if shes old enough to know to ask the question, then shes old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.



Seeing the look on her face, the father asked her, Why did you ask this question, honey?



The little girl replied, Mom says that dinner will be ready in just a couple of sex.

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. Ill help you get the wagon up later.

Thats mighty nice of you, Willis answered, but I dont think Pa would like me to.

Aw come on boy, the farmer insisted.

Well okay, the boy finally agreed, and added, But Pa wont like it.

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.

Dont be foolish! the neighbor said with a smile. By the way, where is he?

Under the wagon!

Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out.

If I gave you $200, the teacher began, and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would you have?

An orgy, Johnny answered.

Una mujer estaba acompañando en el hospital a su esposo, quien salía del estado de coma en que había caído después de varios meses. Ella había permanecido a su lado todos los días esperando su recuperación y cuando finalmente volvió en sí, él le pidió que se acercara, con lágrimas en los ojos:

Querida: has estado conmigo siempre en las malas. Cuando fui despedido, estabas ahí para apoyarme. Cuando quebró mi negocio, estabas ahí. Cuando me dispararon, continuaste ahí. Cuando perdimos la casa, permaneciste conmigo. Cuando mi salud comenzó a fallar, seguías a mi lado. ¿Sabes qué?

Dime, mi vida.

Creo que me traes mala suerte.

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.The first one tells her friends, My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.The second Catholic woman chirps, Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Grace.The third Catholic woman says smugly, Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say Your Eminence.The fourth replies, My son is a gorgeous, 6 2 hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, … My God ….

I was swimming at a local pool yesterday, and I over heard two women
talking about animals. One of the women said she had heard that male
dolphins sometimes rape female dolphins. I thought to myself the
tragic part is most of those rapes go unreported.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

More headroom

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Wayne!
Wayne who?
Wayne are you coming over to my house!

Q: What is the range of a tuba?
A: Twenty yards if youve got a good arm.