Religion is mans attempt to communicate with the weather.
16
Aug
16
Aug
A rooster lays an egg on the roof of a barn. Each side of the roof has a 90 degree angle and windspeed is approxiamately 15 mph blowing in an eastern direction. The egg is layed at the front part of the roof, which has been caved in due to weather. Because of that part of the roof being caved in, it has a slight 45 degree angle to it, which is more than the rest of the roof. So, which side of the roof will the egg roll off of, the one with the eastern exposure, or the one with the western exposure?
Answer: Roosters dont lay eggs. Ha ha!
16
Aug
You might be a redneck if…
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
16
Aug
The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just has a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that.
The teenager tells her Loosen up Grams. These are modern times.
You gotta let your rosebuds show! and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate.
Loosen up, sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets.
16
Aug
This is great and
really works, I feel fab now !!
At last a sensible exercise programme to burn off the calories after
that third helping of pudding…
If youre over 25 you might want to take it easy at first, then do it
faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise programme.
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Thats enough for the first day. Have some chocolate.
15
Aug
A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him.
The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets of at the next stop.
When the bus starts on its way the bus driver says to the hippie, if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.
The hippie of course says that hed love to know so the bus driver tells him that the every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder, said the bus driver(male), you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you.
Well the Hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun and right on schedule the nun shows up. When shes in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun. After the Hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, Ha ha, Im the hippie!!
The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting, Ha ha, Im the bus driver!!!
15
Aug
May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife.
15
Aug
Youre not getting older, youre getting ancient.
15
Aug
Did ya hear what President Clinton had to say about the Abortion Bill?
Ah thought ah paid it!
15
Aug
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.